Scenes From a Hat
by JapanCat
Summary: Words and phrases that I pulled out of a hat and put together to create a really freaky story. Contains Out of characterness, insanity, and just weird stuff. Things get scary when you're bored on a Friday night.
1. Crappy High School Story

**Scenes From a Hat**

**Story one: The Crappy High School story**

So Keiko and Yukina were bestest best friends but then there was this... Dance thing. And they were competing to be home coming queen for some reason. But first they had to woo the class into thinking they were good enough to be homecoming queen... Or some crap like that.

"I am so 1337! OMG WTF R going on?" Botan asked them gathering long blank stares at her.

"You're a n00b." Mitarai said. Suddenly he was overjoyed that he gained the courage to say something to that extent and started floating around in hid world of euphioria... Until he was canned by Sensui who somehow ended up in the same class.

"Dude, Yukina! I gotta idea how you could win homecoming queen! We egg the school!" Kuwabara screamed.

"But why would I want to do that?" Yukina asked.

"It makes you cool!"

"What are you implying?" Hiei asked from the corner of the room. Somehow his voice came all the way across the room full of noisy people who were still cheering Sensui on for canning Mitarai.

"Shut up and do emo kid stuff!" Kuwabara pointed at him. "Go wear tight pants you... Stereotypical emo kid! See, I'm even pointing at you even though it's rude! It shows my lack of respect for you so take that!"

"I'm not emo! I'm just... I hate you all! Especially you!"

"Yeah well I hate you more than if I didn't hate you!"

"Can it! I'm trying to come up with a masterful plan here!" Yusuke screamed, slamming hid fist on the desk. The class room was quiet.

"Sure you all get quiet for Urameshi but not me!"

"Because I'm the cool one." Yusuke grinned and slipped on a pair of black sunglasses. "I am so awesome." THen he took off his shoes and started swinging it around. "All right everyone! You vote for Keiko or I shoot you with my shoe! My shoe is a gun and it's loaded!"

Oo "How does that work?"

"I know... Why not have a bake off?" Kurama asked with an enlightened smile.

EVeryone stared at him.

"You are so gay," Yusuke replied.

Kurama gasped. Lightning flash. "I am most certainly not!" He cried into a bowl of cheerios.

"Kurama's right! We should have a bake off so we can vote! OMFG! That's so brilliant! I wanna do it!" Botan waved her hands around.

"If you never speak again we will," Hiei said, narrowing his eyes at her. _She's too bright! The light burns us!_ He crawled into a small cardboard box to escape the light only to be kicked out by Mukuro.

"My box!" She shut the lid.

Hiei cried into a bowl of Cheerios. But then they became comfort food.

The whole class gathered at Kurama's house and the two girls went off to bake a Pineapple-onion cake. Never mind the fact that the only one that ate that crap was Kuwabara... And Yomi, who will never be mentioned in this story again.

"Okay, Keiko. You bake and you win!"

"Yes!" Keiko mixed the batter.

"How will I compete with that, Kazuma?' Yukina asked him. THe two looked at their competition. Keiko and... Mukuro?

"Mukuro, what're you doing here?" Hiei asked, still eating Cheerios.

"I like ovens." She put the finished batter into the oven. Now why Kurama had multiple ovens, no one knows...

"I won't ask."

The cakes were done and...

"God! Both of yours suck!" Yusuke spat it out. "None of you deserve to be homecoming queen! Mukuro, lemme try yours!"

And he... Liked it right?

Wrong!

He hated it. "God, I thought you liked ovens."

"I changed my mind. I hate them now."

"Whatever. Hey there's one more. Lemme try that one," Yusuke reached for it. And... It was actually liked it. "Who baked this?"

"I did!" Kurama held up a hand. "I did it for fun! To celebrate the homecoming queen."

"Kurama, you ARE homecoming queen now!"

OO;; He cried into a bowl of Cheerios. "WHHHHHY?!"

The end

Notes: Stay tuned for a better story.

Review please


	2. Lost at the beach

**Scenes from a hat  
****Story two: Lost at the beach**

Kurama was in a real jam. He was lost. At the beach. Well, that wasn't so bad. But the guy's anal retentive about getting sun burns so that sucked to be him. He looked around trying to find his way to his nonexistant gandma's house because that's a nice little plot twist. He finally came across the only beach goer there. He approached them hesitantly with his map... of Marine World.

"Excuse me, kind sir," Kurama asked in his nicest voice. "Do you happen to know the way to...?"

"I don't want your girl scout cookies!" Raizen threw at sand dollar at him.

Kurama stared at him. That was weird. Then again girl scouts do attack people at random in disguise... "I need directions to..."

"Whatcho talkin bout?" Raizen sat facing him with his legs spread wide open like he always did. It made Kurama feel really disgusting so he cringed... And died a bit inside.

As he waved the little map of marine world around he asked again. "I need directions to my grandmother's house! Could you tell me were 3511 Elm Street is?"

"Is that even a street?"

"Yes!" Kurama wanted to smack him hard.

"I know someone that goes there all the time. He calls himself Freddy... What was it? Panther? You know him?"

"No but..."

"Isn't Elm street down the way from here?" Raizen thought about it. "I think I want a cheeseburger..."

"Will you tell me where Elm street is if I give you one?"

"Sure."

Kurama dug into his backpack and prioduced a cheeseburger... Somehow. Come to think of it it sounds like he used mitosis or something to make the damn thing. Diction is confusing... But Kurama ingored those pointless sentences and went on.

"I can has cheeseburger?"

Oo Kurama nodded.

"Too bad! I hate cheeseburgers!" He slapped it out of Kurama's hand and a bunch of sea gulls came and attacked the two for the burger. Raizen started jumping around and screaming. "FLY MY PRETTIES! FLY!" He fell into a tide pool. "I fall."

"Are you okay?"

"it's ok. i understand j00. l33t! Slaps j00! lolz XD"

"Orly?" Kurama's brain imploded for a second.

"Yarly."

"No wai! Srsly?"

"Ya srsly."

"No wai!"

"Wai."

"Kent b!"

"GTFO! STFU n00b!" He threw a strafish at the red head.

"Enough! Tell me where Elm street is!"

"It's down the way from here!" The white haired demon crossed his arms.

"Do you swear?"

"Yes!" Slight pause. "You bastard."

"I've had enough of this! I'm going!" Kurama ran away until... A girlscout attacked! But he got away... Somehow.

"What's his problem?" Raizen raised an eyebrow. "Weirdo."


	3. The Hiei and Mukuro Story

**Scenes from a Hat  
Story Three: The Hiei and Mukuro Story**

Mukuro was really worn out. She was really sick of doing... demon... adult stuff. Something something darkside something something evil. Well, in any case she was tired because apparently you can get tired from doing... whatever it is she does during the day other than sleep and talk to Hiei in that one scene in the last episode. Seriously what the hell DOES she do all day? For the sake of this begining paragraph let's say she sky dives off those weird mushroom cloud looking things in DEmon World and lands on Raizen's lawn everyday and gets chased away by him. Anyway, she decided it was time she takes a break. So she walked to Hiei who was sitting in the darkness of a closet with his cool little cell phone texting someone.

"I'm going," she told him as she started to walk out of the room.

"Whatcho talkin bout... Mukuro?" He put the phone down.

"I'm sick of it here. I'm going on vacation."

"2wear?"

Oo "What was that just now?"

"IDK. WTF! IDIA!"

"What did I tell you about texting people all night?"

"MYOB, will ya?"

"Who could you be texting! It's two in the morning!"

"IDK, my BFF Kurama."

"I doubt he's... Why am I talking to you!" She walked out and fell down a flight of stairs only to please the anti Mukuro fandom for a second. Come to think of it, who put those stairs there? Anyway, Hiei came after her and grabbed her by the ankles.

"TAKE ME WITH YOU! I ATE MY SHOES YESTERDAY AND NOW I'M BORED!" Somehow Hiei's screaming woke no one up. But with that they left together to... The Amazon rainforest!

"Why the hell did we have to come here?!" Hiei growled.

"You wanted to come too remember?" she replied saracastically.

"So? I could've been texting Kurama right now! Don't you know what we text about?"

"What, do you cyber?"

"No I- Okay once but I was confused and I ate my other shoes and was bored again! And it was the most awkward five minutes of my life!"

"You disturb me."

And Hiei got pwned by a cocounut. They walked on.

"I'm bored. I'm tired. Are we there yet? I'm hungry," Hiei continued to whine.

"Shut it!" She looked at the map. "I think we're lost."

"Crap! Dammit! Son of a..."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Mukuro, sometimes it's necessary to curse and now is one of those times."

"Screw this. I'm not going through this any longer..." She pulled out a remote. "I'm fast forwarding this." She pushed a button. "There. Now we're. Hey, look it's me in the past."

"Mukuro."

"Yeah?"

"You rewinded time, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Crap, dammit, son of a...!"

"Let's just relive our lives and...!"

"No, give me that!" He pushed a button. "There now we're in..." He looked around. There were broken down buildings. "In the future... Of New York. After the bomb goes off..."

"Say what?"

"Don't you watch Hereoes? Save the cheerleader save the world! Are you on the list?" Long silence. "Yeah. I'll go back."

And they were stuck wandering time until Hiei ate his shoes AGAIN and got bored AGAIN.


	4. Another Crappy High School Story

**Scenes From A Hat  
****Story... Er, I lost count: Another Crappy High School Story Involving A Beach**

Kuwabara was the kinda guy that sat in the back of the class watching the world go by in front of him. Sure he had a huge role in the last high school story he was in but we'll forget all about that. Why? Because I'm a really forgetful person and already forgot most of what went on in other stories. ANYWAY, he was sitting in the back of the class, playing with popsicles sticks he found laying around when an idea finally came to him.

"Guys! Let's go to the beach!" Kuwabara screamed, throwing the sticks to Mitarai who screamed because he's such a neat freak and carries around a bottle of disinfectant. Anyway he stood on Mitarai's desk and started yelling at the top of his lungs. "Let's go to the beach and ditch school!"

Mukuro popped out of her cardboard box. "You're stupid."

"Yeah well, you're emo! You're the little gum stuck on the shoe of society!"

"What's that have to do with your stupidity?'

"Why are you trying to sound smart all the time... You... What kind of demon are you supposed to be anyway?"

"...I honestly have no idea."

"I thought you hated the light," Hiei broke in.

Mukuro hissed at the sunlight. "It burns us..." And she hid back in her box.

"ANYWAY! Let's go!"

"Why?" Yusuke had no idea why he would ask but still he did anyway.

"To get a day off weren't you listening?"

"Dude, and it won't just be Kuwabara's day off, it'll totally be my day off too!" Botan added.

"Go away." Yusuke growled. "let's ask the homecoming queen." He turned to Kurama. "You wanna day off?"

"I'M NOT YOUR QUEEN!" Kurama's eye twitched. "But I would want to have a day off. Can't we go after class? It's Saturday..."

"And in America the kids are out! Let's go!"

So they all jumped into the magical school bus and drove away. But not the pedo lady's bus. She's a pedo. Do NOT under any circumstances ride on her school bus! So they were driving and then they crashed into some kid's sandcastle. Then they partied for an hour. Except Hiei wasn't having a good time.

"I think this day off sucks." Hiei growled.

"Yeah well yo mama's so fat not even Naruto can believe it!" Yusuke screamed at him.

And Hiei cried. "Don't talk about my mama, bitch!"

And he kicked sand in Yusuke's eyes. Only he missed Yusuke and kicked sand in Kurama's eyes so all the girls pretty much ganged up on him until Mukuro threw her box at them. But it turned out she thought they were girl scouts and went back into her box. The sunlight was too much for her. But anyway...

Everyone had a great time until Kuwabara got kicked in the shins by Shura whose sandcastle was smashed. Then again, shouldn't he be in school or something? Oh well.

The end!


	5. Silent Hill 2 Part 1

**Scenes From A Hat:  
****For the month of October you get Silent Hill Parodies! Because I said so!  
Silent Hill 2**

Yusuke stared at his reflection in the mirror. Or not. Cause there was a lot of nasty crap stuck on the mirror. Well he was trying to look at himself in the mirror but then he walked out and took out a letter.

"In my restless dreams there lies that town.  
Silent hill.  
You promised you would take me there.  
But you never did.  
WELL SCREW YOU YUSUKE!  
You suck and I hate you!  
I stole your wallet come to our special place if you want it back.  
No, not Vegas."

"A letter from Keiko, my wife. It couldn't be true. She's dead. Dead people can't write letters. It's illegal!" And he angsted for a while but went into a cemetary near the town. There he saw someone kneeling at this grave. She turned around and screamed.

"Oh, I'm sorry..." MUkuro quickly recovered from shock.

"It's okay...' Oo;; "Listen I'm looking for Silent hill... Could you tell me..."

"I'm lookin for my mama it's been SO LONG since I've SEEN her!"

He smacked with a fly swatter. "Sorry I thought there was a fly there."

-.-; "Silent hill's that way but... It's abandoned. No one's been there in years."

"I'm sure. But my wife told me to come. I'm going. Good luck on finding your mom." He walked away. So he ran. A lot. Then he came into Silent Hill. And he saw a monster that looked like someone in a straight jacket of flesh, all of it, bare flesh. Yusuke stared at it. "Oh crap!" He grabbed a plank with a nail in it. "I shall kill you with this plank, bitch! Though I did grab a chainsaw earlier..." And he beat it about a billion times. Yeah, people, that's the easiest enemy in the game.

So he went in an apartment... And ran around... A lot. Then he encountered some guy in the bathroom, throwing up.

"What the..." Kuwabara squinted at the light. "it wasn't me."

"What was?"

"That dead body out there. It wasn't me..." Whatever.

So he runs into Mukuro... Again.

She was laying on the floor staring at the mirror wall thing with a knife in her hand. "You're back."

"What the hell! Go away! I don't know you! I don't like you! I'll throw this empty pistol at you! By the way, I'll try and be concerned! Have you found your mom!"

She looked up and him. "I'm leaving." And started to run out. "Oh, but I'll leave you this knife so you can get the in water ending. Byze!"

"What the hell was that?"

She he walked on some more and he encountered Pyramid Head! Who was... Doing... Something to another monster. Yusuke hid in the closet. Actually that was kinda hot. Then Pyramid Head did a drunkard dance. Yusuke fired at him and then Pyramid head ran out.

So he moved a clock in some room and found a key on a the ground beyond a gate. He reached for it but Shura came and kicked the key away. "Take that you fruit! That's what you get for kissing Kurama in that one fic!"

"Oh come on! They made you kiss him too! I didn't enjoy it!" _When I lay my hands on him..._Looks like it's going to be a long four hours.


	6. Silent Hill 2 Part 2

**Scenes From A hat.**

**Silent Hill 2 (Where's Silent Hill 1? I never played it and the movie was utter crap. So I ignored it.)  
****And if you want to check this game out for whatever reason... Herer's who's playing who  
Yusuke-James Sunderland  
Keiko-Mary Sunderland  
****Mukuro-Angela...Whatever her lastname was  
****Kuwabara-Eddie  
****Shura-Laura (He plays the part so well...)  
****???-Maria... I couldn't come up with a good enough character so I unwillingly made a original chracter. But she dies... Several times. Onward.**

So Yusuke moved out to the other side of the apartment after solving many meaningless puzzles and battling the paitient demons and the maquines. And if you don't know what I'm talking about wikipedia Silent Hill monsters and look under Silent Hill 2. Anyway... So he was getting to the bottom of the stairs when he encountered Pyramid head! ...With... a... monster's head in his crotch... He was... choking it, right? Well, for the sake of your virgin imaginations, let's say he is.

Well pyramid head was mad because Yusuke walked in on him so he came at him with the great knife. But then a siren went of and Pyramid Head ran off, happy because it was his break. And Yusuke? He just stared. But he got out of the apartment and started walking/ Then he heard a voice... Singing.

"Young man, there's no need to feel down. I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground. I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town There's no need to be unhappy. Young man, there's a place you can go. I said, young man, when you're short on your dough. You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find Many ways to have a good time.It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A. It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A..."

"God, quit singing that!" Yusukeyelled at Shura who was sitting on a wall. "You're so frickin annoying! I freaking hate that song!"

"Hey, you're that fruit from the apartment!"

"Me a fruit! You're singing The Village People! They're the epitome of fruitiness! And you kicked my hand! I'll come and kick your ass!"

"Nuh uh! I'll call my dad on you!"

"No one hears you in Silent Hill, bitch!"

And Shura cried, but Yusuke honestly didn't care cause he was still gonna kick his ass.

"You didn't love Keiko!"

"What?"

He jumped off the wall, out of sight.

"God, I'm gonna kill that brat." So he ran to the Rosewater Park and once he left he saw... "Keiko?"

The girl turned around.

"No... You're not." _Why do these people always have to be blonde and blue eyed and look like my wife? Er, girlfriend. Whatever._

"Do I look like your girlfriend?"

"No, my dead wife, Keiko. You look just like her, only a skank! You could be her slutty twin."

"Gee, thanks. My name is... Aiko."

_What a bitch. But I'll let her come with me anyway._

"I'm alive. Feel how warm I am?" She put his hand on her neck.

"I'm looking for the Lakeside Hotel. Where is it?" He pulled away from her.

"Across the lake."

"Good. I'll see you around, I guess." He started to run away.

"Don't leave me because I'm clingy."

"Fine, you can come."

So they ran to Pete's Bowling Alley. Or whatever the crap it's called. But Aiko refused to go in because she didn't like bowling or some crappy reason like that. So Yusuke went in compentplating escape when he heard two voices.

"Did they arrest you?" Shura's voice.

"No, I ran." Kuwabara's voice.

"What'd you do? Robbery? Murder?"

"I didn't do anything. I just ran."

"Didn't do anything! Well you're a gutless dumb ass!"

"Don't say that!"

Yusuke ran into the room. THere he saw Shura run out a door and Kuwabara eating pizza.

"You dumb animal! You're just eating pizza while I sit here trying to get away from a blonde bimbo and then you let him get away so I can't kick his ass!" Yusuke shook the pizza box.

"I'm not a dumb animal! And he called me a dumb ass! I don't wanna catch him!"

"Not even to kick his ass?"

"Crap!"

YUsuke ran out to see Aiko running towards the side of a building.

"Aiko! What the hell?"

"I saw a little girl run by!" Aiko screamed.

"Wait... Girl? With short black hair right?" Yusuke felt a dumb comment coming on.

"Yes!" UGH! Bingo!

"That's a boy."

"It was?" Four more hours to go...


	7. Silent Hill 2 Part 3

**Scenes from a hat  
****Silent HIll 2 Part 3! In the hospital and out!**

So they followed Shuras into a strip bar (cause that's what Heaven's NIght was) and Aiko had to drag Yusuke out because he was having to much fun in there... Dancing to the funky music. Yeah, people. Yusuke likes that kinda stuff. Anyway... From Heaven's Night they followed Shura to the hospital. So they walked into the hospital and went upstairs where they encountered a bubblehead nurse with a shot gun!

"OMG! Yusuke save me!" Aiko used Yusuke as a shield.

"Aw crap!" Yusuke ended up taking to nurse out before the dumb thing could kill him first.

"My hero!" Aiko was about to overload him with wet kisses like all OCs do but Yusuke pushed her away. "WHY?!" Pout pout.

"Just stay there." YUsuke stared down.

"What? Why?"

"Just stay there."

"Why?"

"I SAID STAY THERE, BITCH!"

"OKay." She finally shut up. She looked down at where Yusuke was staring. "Ew! Are you looking up that nurse's skirt!"

"Yes! I mean, no." He was slapped but Yusuke decided it was all worth it in the end.

So the two walked into the room with a bed and Aiko laid down. "I have a hang over. Go on without me."

"Sure!" He ran away.

"You were supposed to protest and tell me no!"

Anyway... Forgetting her. So Yusuke ran around. A lot. And solved a lot of meaningless puzzles. He came back into the room and discovered Aiko was gone. Well that was a relief. So he went off on his own to find her. He went up to the roof and looked down.

"Maybe Aiko can be seen from here..." But pyramid Head pushed him down. PWNED!

Once Yusuke woke up and wandered around some more. Then he encountered Shura... playing with a dead rat or something. I dunno. He turned around.

"Shura! I found you! Now I'm gonna kick your ass!" Yusuke jumped over the table.

"Wait! I have a letter from Keiko!" Shura stopped him. "It's in this room!"

Now stupid Yusuke came in the room and was locked in by Shura who laughed at him and called him a fartface or something like that and ran away. So YUsuke was attacked by hangers which he killed with a shotgun he found. THen he went into the otherworld... Which I still have yet to understand. LIke why there was a prion under the musuem. What the hell?

Anyway... He found Aiko hiding somewhere and they began to leave the hospital when they reached an unmarked part of the hospital where they fleed Pyramid Head. But Aiko was caught before Yusuke could reach the elavator. Only he excaped.

_Aiko! I... killed her..._

The elavator stopped and he walked out into the darkness. _Just like Keiko. Dead._

He walked out of the hospital and saw Shura running in the darkness. _Aiko. Gone. Shura. Gone. Keiko. WAit for me there. I'll need you._


	8. Silent Hill 2 Part 4

**Scenes From A Hat **

**Silent Hill 2 Part 4**

**So from where we left off... Aiko dies cause of Pyramid Head. Shura runs off somewhere after locking up Yusuke in a room with the hangers with the funky looking mouths. Good stuff, right?**

Yusuke walked out in the darkness. He saw Shura running off somewhere but he didn't bother to chase him. He was too fast. So Yusuke goes off in the darkness but he stopped to knock over some bubblehead nurse just to look up her skirt... Again. But anyway... He was walking until he reached the Silent Hill Historical society. THat was where he finds a picture of Pyramid head but screw that let's go to the prison. Now why the hell there was a prison under the musuem I have no clue.

So Yusuke goes down to the prison and there he saw Kuwabara.

"Kuwabara? What're you doing here?" Yusuke asked.

"I just kinda waundered in."

"Whatever." Yusuke saw a dead man lying against a pole and that was when YUsuke realized Kuwabara had the gun in his hand.

"Did you...?"

"I thought it was a monster." He ran out.

"Kuwabara! Goddamn it!" So he ran through all the prison cells and solved magical puzzles that we love so much. God, how can I cram hours of gameplay into one sentence like that? So he did this one puzzle that gets this door to move around the room, the kinda puzzle that you have to play to undrerstand. Anyway so he does that and he sees Aiko sitting in a prison cell.

"OMG! YUSUKE!" she ran to the bars.

"Not you again! I'm leaving!"

"Don't go! I can't touch you places if you leave!"

"NO! Not even Keiko did that!" Actually that was kinda nice. _I think I'll save her anyway. Wait, isn't she supposed to be dead?_

Whatever... So he goes on to do more puzzles but when he comes back to save Aiko he finds her with her face severely bashed in. But for good measure he gasped melodramatically and poked her with a stick. Yeah. She's dead this time.

He goes on some more and sees Mukuro kicking some monster but then Yusuke goes and kills it. Mukuro looked at Yusuke, eyes wild. She ran away screwing, "FATHER, NO!"

That was weird. So Yusuke goes and runs around some more and eventually jumps down his grave which doesn't scare Yusuke at all mind you! And there he finds Kuwabara with the gun.

"KUWABARA! I know you killed that guy."

"Oh yeah? Well he looked at me funny like that dumb dog and...!"

"I'm sorry, Kuwabara." Yusuke shot him right through the head._I'm sorry Kuwabara. I never meant for it to be this way... _Then he moves on into the labyrinth where he meets Mukuro a second time on a burning staircase. "Mukuro!"

"Oh, it's you."

"Come here! What're you doing?"

"I have to, Yusuke.'

"No, you don't."

"Will it make you love me?" No answer. "That's what I thought. Do you... Still have that knife I gave you?"

"Yes."

"Can I have it?"

"God, no!"

"Keeping it for yourself?"

"I would never kill myself." Silence. "It's hot as hell in here."

"Yeah." And Mukuro walked up the stairs alone.

YUsuke left the labyrinth and rowed across to the lakeview Hotel. There he met Shura who was playing the piano when he came in.

"No you again." He frowned. "take the dumb letter." He flung it at Yusuke.

YUsuke read it. In one ear out the other like everything Keiko said. BUt one thing he noticed was the last part, "Happy eith birthday, Shura." Signed last year.

"Shura, how old are you?"

"Eight."

"No..." It can't be...


	9. Silent Hill 2 Part 5

**Scenes From a hat  
****Silent Hill 2 Part... Eh, let's finish this goddamn thing.**

So when we left off... Yusuke finds a letter dated last year telling Shura happy eighth birthday from Keiko. Yusuke's confuzzled. What happens next?!

Shura ran off for some reason. Yusuke found a tape hidden behind a counter along with the key to the room he stayed with Keiko. Room 302. So he made it up to room 302 and watched the tape. The tape was...

_There was Keiko she was standing in front of the window coughing. "Yusuke..."_

_The tape switched to the hospital where Keiko was sitting on her bed. YUsuke stood over her with flowers._

_"I brought you flowers."_

_"Flowers?! I don't want any damn flowers! Get out of here! Look at me... I'm disgusting..."_

_"Keiko...' He laid her down. She relaxed but still stared at him with sad eyes... God, he couldn't take it anymore! He took the pillow and suffocated her..._

The tape ended and shura came into the room. "Did you find Keiko?"

"No, Shura."

"Well, why not?"

"I... I killed her."

"WHAT? I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" He smacked Yusuke and ran out of the room.

Yusuke kicked the TV down and ran out into the watered down hallway. He followed the hall down to the flooded basement where he encountered nine save points. Come on! I had to mention that! Anyway. He saw Aiko under the mercy of two pyramid Heads. She was hacked in half right before his eyes.

**"JUST LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE!" **Yusuke felt a dead fury coming through._ I know I was weak. I needed you to punish me for my sins._

At half a minute later the Pyramid Heads punctured their helmets and commited suicide. Yusuke continued on and saw...

"Keiko?"

Keiko turned around but no it was Aiko. "You never stop making that damn mistake!" She changed into a monster and came at YUsuke with a tentacle and started to strangle him and at that moment, YUsuke fired at her, killing her. The trouble was over.

_Leave Ending_

_In my restless dreams there lies that town_

_Silent Hill_

_blah blah blah..._

_This letter is tooo long_

_blah blah blah_

_blah blah blah_

_Yusuke take care of Shura...  
more talking_

_more talking_

_End already!_

_End of letter_

And Yusuke and Shura left together

_Suicide/In water ending_

_Keiko... Let's go to the only place we can be together._

He went scuba diving with Keiko's remains.

_Dog Ending... Well that makes fun of itself..._

_That's all the endings i know._

_Thank God that's over._


	10. The Drag Race

**Scenes From A Hat  
****Story... 5. Let's do something lighthearted  
****The Drag Race**

"Okay so we have our homecoming queen but who's our homecoming king?" Yusuke asked

"For the last time, I"m not your queen!" Kurama growled.

Mukuro's interest was piqued. She finally got into the light and called attention to herself. "I have a proposal for that."

"Shut up you emo! No one cares about you!" Kuwabara growled.

"I beg to differ. I'm your student body president!"

"Isn't it early to be proposing to people, Mukuro?" Keiko asked. Long silence. "...Did I just say that?"

"I beg to differ Mukuro!" Yomi screamed and he kicked open the door.

OO "You have a son who's a freshman how can you be in this class? You... You... Pedophile!"

Gasp! "No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"What an awful comeback. Anyway... I think you should be taken from your office as student body president you tyrant!"

"My tyranny has nothing to do with this story. Go away and go shave your beard or something. That's disgusting." She narrowed her eyes at him. Come to think of it can MUkuro's eyes even get any narrower? I mean her eyes are pretty narrow... Anyway... So Yomi was canned and then banished to the dumpster. "I have a proposal. I've had this idea since the begining of the year. Who's running for homecoming king?"

"Yusuke and Kuwabara of course," Hiei answered from the back of the class.

She looked disgusted. "This won't be very pretty but... Let's have a drag race."

"Oh hell yeah! I'm game!" The two cried in unision.

"No! You don't wanna do it! Mukuro's a sex addict! You don't know what she's planning!" Hiei hissed at them.

"I'll make love to you my pretty and your little dog, too!" Mukuro realized what she just said. "Sorry that came out wrong!"

"See!"

"I'm doing it anyway, Hiei! I've always wanted to drag race!" Yusuke growled. Ten minutes elapse. Yusuke and Kuwabara entered the hall in frilly dresses.

"WHAT THE HELL MUKURO! THIS WASN"T PART OF THE DEAL!" Yusuke grabbed Mukuro by the collar of her shirt.

She kneed him in the crotch. "Don't touch me." She stood onto of a soap box with a microphone. "oKay... Here are the rules... You two have to make it to the finish line to win. Anything goes. When Hiei waves the flag..." Hiei waved the flag. "You go. Got it?"

"Why does Hiei get to wave the flag?" Kuwabara complained.

"Cause he's my bitch. Shut up."

"Sadly it's true." Hiei sighed and waved the flag. The two started off neck and neck... But then they decided to jump out the window halfway through.

Suddenly...

"I'M STREAKING!" Mitarai came running out of the shower and crossed the finish line.

"Well... It turns out the streaker wins." Mukuro replied.

"Was that because he was streaking...?" Hiei asked.

"NO! ...Maybe."

Head desk.


	11. Late Christmas and New Year's Special

**Scenes From a Hat  
****Story: Number... (mumble, mumble...)  
****Yes! I am back at last! My mom was on vacation and her comp doesn't have microsoft word or anything of that fancy stuff. She has an apple and fanfiction's not compatible with it so... Yeah. But if it makes you feel better I would have updated before... So... Without much ado... adeui... However you spell the damn word... Here is the next story:  
****The late Christmas Special... And hell, why not, the New Year's Special as of January 3, 2008 Yes!**

"This anime is going to die!" Yusuke cried as he slammed his hands on the desk dramatically. Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei, and hell let's throw in our favorite female demon in there, Mukuro were not amused. Come to think of it, have we ever seen Mukuro amused? Well maybe it's because that one book about Yu Yu Hakusho spelled Makuro and used whole instead of hole. Who the hell is this Makuro and what is this Makuro doing with Hiei anyway? That's kinda creepy. Like the kids in all these ads on TV. Well the point is that none of these people were amused. Let's put Yomi in the paragraph. And Karasu too. And the pedobear.

"This anime's already over. It's a bit late for that," Hiei replied.

"No! We must keep making fillers and fillers just like Naruto! And keep killing people and bringing them back like in DBZ and throw in pirahanas like in Super Mario."

"And how will that keep us from dying?" Kurama asked.

"People love retards following an unreachable dream and loads of noncanon sex! That's why I propose a hentai Christmas Special/New Year sequence!"

"SAY WHAT?!"

"Santa Claus was German. Your topic fails."

"And you called us all here to make a hentai?" Mukuro asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"You don't get it! Animes can die... But Hentai... Hentai lives FOREVER! Haven't you heard of Legend of the Overfiend? It lived! It went and inspired the crappy ending to the Silent Hill movie!" Yusuke added on a crazy laugh. "And I do it for the lulz."

"And how are you planning to do that when there are no women here?"

"What, don't you count?"

"I'm a hermephrodite. So no, I don't."

"Serious?!"

"No. But I refuse to take part in this either way."

"Yeah, you should leave her out of this," Hiei replied.

"Why's that?"

"Can we move onto a new subject? The readers are getting bored," Kurama broke in.

"Is it them or you?" Kuwabara asked.

"...Can it be both?"

"You know what? Fine! Be a bunch of wussies! Let's just have a crappy everyday Christmas Special!" Yusuke growled.

"It's the middle of January, how can we...?" Mukuro was cut off.

"Quiet in the peanut gallery! Okay so do we start with the jolly fat man in red?"

"Winston Churchill?" Kuwabara asked.

"NO!"

"Can we not?" Mukuro replied.

"Why not?" Everybody turned to her.

"My father was fat. I hated him. In fact I was surprised he could even get out of bed."

"But you loved him and he loved you. So that doesn't matter." Yusuke said.

"No, he wanted to hack off my head so he could stick it down my throat. It wasn't a happy experience to say the least."

"Yeah but Santa's so jolly and round and red and lovable! You gotta make an exception. Here's a picture!" YUsuke flashed a picture of the jolly red man standing in front of a Christmas tree with his bag of goodies and happy sugary little crap like that. Mukuro was not amused. Just as... ADOLF HITLER: He is not amused.

"He looked like my father with a white beard and dressed as a burglar."

"Goddammit I killed him, just shut up about him!" Hiei growled.

"Let's all agree to disagree."

"What else can we do if we don't feature Santa Claus in any way? I mean that's what your whole idea was, just to feature him throughout the theme of Christmas. But in all actuality, Yusuke. Christmas in Japan is simply a marketing tool to bring in more money for big business for our capitialist government. Damn the capitalist government. That's why I'm a communist. Yay! Stalin! But anyway, what I'm saying is that basically in our cold suburban home here in Tokyo, Japan is just using Christmas as an economic device," said... Kuwabara. Yes, Kuwabara. "I'll tell you what Christmas is supposed to be about. It's a religous holiday created by the Christians as an alternative to the Jewish Chanukkah and celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. But even though his birthday really occured in the spring or summer it's celebrated in the winter to take after the pagan Winter Solstice."

"Kuwabara, here's an alternate for you... SHUT UP!" Yusuke growled. "God, that's something you'd expect from Kurama."

"Hey!" Kurama DOES NOT WANT. "And for the record, that's not what Christmas is all about."

"What is it all about?"

Music started playing and everybody started dancing.

"You think you're bringing sexy back  
Your ballsy bag don't know how to act  
I'm lil Chris I wear a stupid hat  
Flick it to the side panel..." Yeah, let's... Let's quit typing there...

But the point is that it started playing and about halfway through it stopped and Kurama said, "That's what Christmas is all about."

Head desk. "Let's go give each other gifts instead."

"It's January sixth though," Mukuro shot back.

'Yeah and in Mexico it's Three King's Day! Shut up!" Come to think of it Yusuke kinda thought demons should have a Three Kings Day. That'd be awesome. "What're you all looking at me for? Go get presents for each other! Quit looking at me! Shit!"

So about an hour later everybody came back to... Dammit. That place they met up at.

"Okay. So let's open up gifts. Mukuro, let's start with you since you're the least liked and possibly the oldest out of us which may or may not be true considering Kurama's real age," Yusuke said when they all came back.

"Well I got a bomb." She took it out.

"HOLY HELL IT'S GONNA EXPLODE!" Kurama screamed and they all ran away. Thus concluding this story. Finally.

End Session.

**Notes: The part with Sexy Back was based off of wwwBLACK20com's video **_**It's A Black20 Christmas Charlie Brown: Sexy Back **_**so don't ask. Really. It look me forever to sit down and type this up. I'd be faster if this were prewritten like Silent Hill and Ride like the Wind are but I have a lot to write on paper right now so I won't. It'll get messy. That and I have a lot of failed ideas going on beforehand so it won't be pretty for me. Anyway if you managed to read through this whole thing, presents for you. But not Mukuro's bomb. That's for people who said screw this. I'll get back on my schedule when school starts on Monday and it'll be even more solid once my mom's schedule's solid as well. Thanks for reading.**


	12. Kung Fu Fighting Part 1

**Scenes From A Japanese Automobile Seat Warmer Saleman's Basement's Closet Full of Skeletons in the Closet that Need to Come Out of The Closet  
****Blah blah blah... Loading... Loading...  
****Oh we can talk now. Here is a knug fu movie... thing. And for the people who don't know Mao he's the Chinese Dictator (I think?) that lead China into communism. Sometime in the 1940's... The first part was was the orginal idea I had where I parodied the ideas about the west back then but I thought someone out there might get pissed off if I went on any longer so... But I'm actually reading this one before I put it up so I won't do as many typos. I did my best. So... Shut up! XP  
****Story 7: Kung Fu Fighting- Part 1 (GODDAMMIT! Not this crap again.)**

**Now imagine this whole thing as a dubbed live action film... With off mouth movements and all.**

_In 1945 there was Mao. Then he pulled out this awesome idea in 1958 called the Great Leap Forward and stuff. It was cool. The west was liek Noes and China was liek Yayz. So let's go to our hero. Yusuke Urameshi... _

_Now, Yusuke Urameshi was your average... Guy. To a certain extent. He was actually unbeknowst to him.. THE CHOSEN ONE!!!11!!1one1!!_

_Oh yeah. And there was CORRUPTION in the town's office. It was ruled by some super evil American guy. His name was Hiei. But we'll talk about him later._

_So here's Yusuke._

"Keiko, there's something wrong with our mayor," Yusuke said. He said it like ten times to her but since this is the 50's no one cares what girls think. They're still supposed to be cooking and crap. And birthing twenty plus kids.

"Yeah. That's a problem," Keiko replied cause everyone knows that most women in Kung Fu movies are helpless females that are incapible of any logical thought. That's not really true but we're still on the topic of anime and sadly that's true of women in shonen anime. "But more importantly I have a confession to make."

"What's that?"

"I'm actually a ho."

Yusuke couldn't believe it! She was so scantily clad and he couldn't see how it was possible. "What the hell!"

"I don't like my job though. I only do it because my father doesn't help me out anymore. So I have to pay for it somehow."

What was "it" anyway? "Well he should help you! Cause you know why? It's moral and stuff! And why do we have to talk about your problems all the time! I'm the one with the real problem! I have to serve an evil mayor! What's more problamic than that?! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go to his office and kick his ass!" So he ran away to city hall.

_Now... A word about our villian. Hiei. He's got these kick ass martial arts moves because everyone in these kinds of things always know their martial arts. But he used it for EVIL because... He's... From... Somewhere in America. Anyway he was in his office... Being the most evil creature in Hong Kong. Or Beijing. Whichever's easier to remember._

"Mwa ha ha! I eat babies and dance in the forest and play golf because I'm such a bastard! Har har har! I'm so evil and I get to do whatever I want in this office though logic says that Mao could come here and kick my ass himself! Who can stop me now!" Hiei ate a little girl's doll's head. "Damn I feel so frickin evil!"

"Not anymore, bitch!" Yusuke kicked down the door because he's a martial arts expert too.

"You interupted my substanence of little children's tears! We must fight now for no reason!"

"HAAA!" And Yusuke crashed into the window cause Hiei was too short to tackle. Did I mention that characters get more powerful when they scream?

"GWAAH!" And Hiei like puched him. And after ten minutes of screaming and tickling each other, Hiei laughed at Yusuke, "You are a worthy opponent. But not for my super evil westerner attack!"

"And what's that, bitch?"

"It's called 1337."

"...What? Can you run that by me again?"

"1337?"

And then this huge fantastical expolsion came from the window and then there was the guy standing there with this big ass sword. "I have finally found your office, Hiei! WE must fight!"

And at first Hiei was like "noes!" and then he found a pork bun and he was like NOM NOM NOM. Then he was like. "I have no time for this! I must take time to steal children's dreams! Guards!"

So the guards came in and the guy with the big ass sword jumped out the window with Yusuke. And they ran anyway into the nonexsistant forest.

"Who the hell are you? I was about to kick his ass until you came along!" Yusuke growled.

"That mark... On your arm..." the guy that really needs to be named because typing guy with the big ass sword sucks to type a hundred times whsipered.

"Mark on my arm? What mark? There is no..."

Unnamed guy scribbled a mark on him with a sharpie.

"Oh come on just because you scribbled something on arm doesn't mean anything."

"That was there before."

"I'm not that... Really?" Oo

"You know what this means? It means you are the one in the ancient Chinese prophecy. You are... The Chosen One!"

"LOL WUT"

"Don't you know the Prophecy?"

"If I did would I be asking?"

"Ugh... Okay back in the days of the Tang Dynasty there lived a seer named Skeskdhirwkfhrbfgv who was extremely skilled in the dark arts well known as Ykdhfeshakdc or just black magic in short. So he was looking into the future and he saw a corrupt leader. That leader is believed to be Hiei. And he predicted that there will be a chosen one who will go by the name Zrhfsfdfjlsfuikf but my people found that that name was just a load of gibberish brought on by Skeskdhirwkfhrbfgv's high on opium. In fact we also believe that name was also brought on by his high but we all just assume the name stuck since the ancients were finding it easy to pronounce and name. But he said that the chosen one will be the container of his reincarnated spirit and thus a master of his black magic style. That mark was the same that prophet had from the day he cast a spell to summon a demon or so the tales say. You see, we believe the chosen one will bear that same mark. This takes me back to master master telling me there will be a chosen one..."

**Flashback**

"There will be a chosen one."

**End flashback**

"...And he told me of its significance."

**Flashback**

"It will be significant."

**End flashback**

"And my people..."

"Oh come on! How can any of that be true? What kinda people brought you up?!"

"I am led to believe that I share the blood of the child of the said summoned demon and some unknown woman. But I believe it because I'm gifted with extraordinary powers. I can't say that I can use them properly but I do have them."

"Say what?! Why didn't you use them on Hiei?"

"What? And kill us all in the process?"

"Who are you anyway?"

"I was once called Shuichi Minamino as a boy. But that is a false name. I am known by my people as Kurama. I am... The last samurai. And you are..."

"Yusuke Urameshi."

"Come then. I must bring you to my master."

So they like teleported to the temple and stuff cause Kurama can do that. Never mind the fact that he just went through saying that he can't use his powers well. Like I said if this made sense this would not be any good because Kung Fu in films are based on ass kicking action. Anyway. They made it to the temple and Kurama slid open the door.

"Master Yomi, I am here and I have the Chosen One."

The master came from the shadows, the "sacred" sake cup in hand.

"What the... Are you blind?" Yusuke asked, noting that Yomi's eyes were closed.

"There is no need for sight in a world like ours. If you be the Chosen one..."

_Now let's jump to Hiei._

"Okay I need more minions to kill that bastard and the other one with the sword. The one with a sword makes me feel insignificant," Hiei told the Persian cat he had in his lap as he stroked it like the villians in these spy movies.

"I think you should worry more about that first one," a woman's voice came from behind him.

"Why's that?"

"I've been here in China for quite some time. I was told by someone that there was a phrophecy about overthrowing you. Or something of the sort. And I believe that one that came in first was the chosen one. I think you should let me kill him for you."

"Why's that?"

"I'm from West Germany."

He didn't get the point of that statement but okay. "It even has West in the name! Brilliant! You're in! Who are you anyway?"

"Just call me... Mukuro."

Evil laughter but then he swallowed a bug halfway through and started hacking. "Damn that was awful."

**Notes: I'm not intending to offend anyone. I'm just trying to be funny here. Get over it. More coming soon...**


	13. Kung Fu Fighting Part 2

**Scenes from the fantasies of Stephen King while he's in the Bathtab, Why is he taking a bath though? Don't people after the age of nine take showers?  
****Augh... I can't remember where I was going with this... Oh well. I guess I'll keep going anyway... And... Yeah.  
****Story Seven: Kung Fu Fighting Part 2 (How frickin long will this be...?)**

"Okay... So since you're the chosen one, we must give you a special training for the next three days... And you'll be done and able to defeat Hiei," Yomi said. He looked pleased with himself like he won the Nobel Peace Prize with those two sentences. He probably did... In his head. He could dance like that too, if he felt like it.

"Why three days?" Yusuke asked.

"Anything can be accomplished in three days. Haven't you read _Bleach_?"

Whatever. "Fine. If I can go home after this."

"Didn't I just go through saying you'll be done after defeating Hiei? Why wouldn't you go home?"

"Fine. That's... That's just fine! Let's begin." Yomi threw a ball. "Fetch, boy!"

"Fine!" He came back with it.

"Good. Now give it to me."

"Oh hell no! This is my ball, bitch!" Yusuke ran away.

"Yusuke!" Kurama was about to ran after him but Yomi stopped him. "Why...?"

"No, I know someone who can catch him." He blew the whistle Willy Wonka had in the original Willy Wonka movie. It probably had a shorter name than that but I never heard about it. It might have been a flute.

Meanwhile... Yusuke was running through the forest. _Yes! I'm finally out of there! Now I can get home and find Keiko and then kick Hiei's ass... Again. But still! I'm coming home! I'm free! I'm free!_

"Surprise butt sex!" Someone jumped on his back.

"NOEZ!" Yusuke was dragged back to the temple where he proceeded to throw a temper tantrum. "Why don't you guys believe me?! I'm super serial!"

"Peace, Yusuke. You're back in training," Yomi replied. "My son brought you back. His name is Shura. I trained him wrong on purpose." ("WHAT?!" Shura screamed. And Shura cried, but no one cared.)

"BUT HE DID SURPRISE BUTT SEX! HE'S... LIKE... TEN!"

"Yusuke, let's eat and talk about this later..." With Kurama having said that, the four all sat down at the table. Yusuke sat there and sighed when he saw the food. "Is there something wrong, Yusuke?"

"No... I was just thinking about my girl back at home. I didn't think about it until now but I think I miss her. I'd tell you about her if I wasn't so sure you were gay. So I won't..."

"For the last time, I'm not gay!"

"She must be a really fine girl if that's the case," Yomi broke in.

"She sure is... She had breasts just like this pork bun! Just the way I like them!" Yusuke held it up while Kurama spat it out at the thought. "And her butt, it's so round like that pile of rice there! She's hot... But it turns out that she's a ho. It sucks."

"I take back what I said... She's perfect."

"What...?!"

"Can we not talk about this?" Shura broke in. "I thought I wasn't supposed to hear this stuff."

"No one asked you, Shura. Besides that you wear a bucket on your head when I make phone calls anyway." And Shura cried but no one cared. So they finished eating.

"By the way, I heard Hiei spends some time out of his office. Where does he go after he's out?" Yusuke asked.

"He goes to the river, swinging his chain," Shura answered simply. "I saw him when I was on this vision quest. He attacked me with his chain. It hurt really badly. I don't think you should go after him."

"What? And just leave him to terrorize the people? Hell no! I'm going!" Yusuke ran out.

"Wait! You're not yet ready!"

Kurama ran out after him. Oh yeah and the other two are the people that stand on the sideline and talk about how they want to kick the baddie's ass but they don't do anything. That's kind of annoying.

They were about halfway there. Suddenly they heard a voice call to them, "Go no further!"

The two turned around and saw Mukuro.

"Who the hell are you?" Yusuke asked.

"Does it matter?" Kurama asked.

"Well you know..." He turned back to Mukuro. "I will not be swayed by your intimidating appearance! We must Kung Fu Fight!"

"Or I could just convince you to go back home and watch some clothes get washed," Mukuro added.

"You don't scare me! Bite me!"

"No, I believe it is you who will bite ME!"

"Ew... Sicko."

Yeah there's nothing interesting going on here. Let's go forward...

"Oh that was fast. You defeated Hiei already?" Yomi asked as Yusuke watched the clothes in the washing machine going round and round...

"What?" Realization. "Ah, crap..."

**Oh yeah... I do know how to end this. I had so long to think about it. I wrote a Devil May Cry story. I'd appreciate it if you read it if you know what that is. (The anime now holds a nice place in my heart. They actually drop the F bomb and they also say... Yeah...)**


	14. Kung Fu Fighting Part 3

**Scenes from that one skit from Jimmy Kimmel or Kimbel or however you spell it or maybe it's Jay Leno or David Letterman Why do I get them confused? They don't even look alike Why can't I spell the first guy's name? I see it spelled out but I don't remember it WHY but anyway it's that one skit where they have these things from the news that are kind of weird It might be all three but I can't remember which one does what Why is this title so longwinded BUYANENCYCLOPEDIA BUYANENCYCLOPEDIA BUYANENCYCLOPIA MANBEARPIG MANBEARPIG!!  
****I'm pretty sure this part's the last in this story. Ugh...  
****Kung Fu Fighting Part 3!**

"This time I think it will be wise to send you with my son. And I know that you're wondering why he has to come. That's because I have to make sure you don't do anything stupid again. Apparently from what Kurama's told me (_What a wussy._ Yusuke growled in his head.) this minion has the power to influence people to their will," Yomi explained as he shoved Shura over to Yusuke and Kurama since the kid apprently has no will of his own and can't do it himself.

"How is that supposed to help us?" Yusuke asked. "Kurama's smarter than me and he still fell for it. How is he any different?" What's he trying to say anyway?

"He doesn't listen. Plus he's always a good back up plan if you need one."

"I can hear you!" Shura growled but no one listened. And he cried but no one cared.

"By the way, didn't you also have something to say?"

He suddenly stopped sobbing over his Cheerios or whatever was for breakfast today since Yomi doesn't do the backwards day where you have dinner for breakfast. That's just something Kuwabara on some kind of strange high would do. Anyway his eyes suddenly lit up and he went on, "Well I was walking around looking for leprechauns-"

"Leprechauns?"

"Shut up, Dad! Anyway I was looking for leprechauns and I saw this slutty looking girl getting kidnapped by this guy!"

"What?! He kidnapped Keiko?!" Le gasp!

"Gotta incorporate her back into this story somehow..." Kurama replied.

"Shut up you bat spewing gunslinging guitar rocking rocket monster dancer!" He bit his thumb.

_Was that an insult just now?_ "Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?"

"Yes, I do bite my thumb."

"But you bite your thumb at _me?_"

"Listen, all out you!" He tried to slam his hands on the table but he fell over because he missed. To bring back the tension he slammed the wall. Yeah that's much better. "I want all of you to know that by doing this you're freeing this city of a dictator (_I thought he was just a mayor!_) so I want you to take this very seriously. We can't let thgis reign of terror go on any longer. All I ask of you is to take this..." Yomi reached into his pocket and took out a banana.

"What the hell is that?" Yusuke asked, cocking a brow.

"When the time comes, you will know... Now off with you!"

So they went back to the waterfall. And again they ran into Mukuro. Apparently they just can't kick her in the shins or something and walk around her. She probably won't fight back or do anything. The protaganists are supposed to be able to have all the awesome powers I guess. They just stared at each other like they always do in fight scenes. Just for dramatic effect.

"We're going to defeat youb this time! Murphy work your magic!" Yusuke shoved Shura forward.

"My name's Shura!" he threw some curry powder is Yusuke's eyes. For the record that crap hurts. Why the heck is he carrying that around in his pocket if that was even where he put that.

Well, inductive reasoning aside, Mukuro laughed that creepy laugh she has. No matter which version you're watching, you gotta admit her laugh is pretty creepy... Or not. Whatever. "Say your last words!"

"Well I have one confession I want you all to know..." Kurama paused.

"Well, on with it!" Yusuke growled. "I can't stare at her forever!"

"I'm actually from Japan. So I couldn't care less if Hiei stays mayor or not."

"WHAT! You jerk!"

"I thought the whole samurai thing would have given that away!"

"I can't read!" Shura added.

"Are you guys all lying to me!"

"Enough! Prepare to die!" Spirit fingers.

Shura stepped forward and opened up a book. Apprently he can read now. Make up your freaking mind! "The Scarlet Letter Chapter One-"

She swatted the book out of his hands. "Your horrible literature will have no affect on me!"

"Then I have no choice!" He pulled out a bag of rice.

"What, will you pelt me with your rice?"

He dropped it on the ground with each grain spreading out. Mukuro's eyes lit up and she dropped to the ground and began to count each grain one by one. Shura beckoned for the other two to follow him.

"What the hell was that?" Yusuke asked.

"I remember there's this vampire that can't help counting stuff. If you ever get attacked by one all you have to do is drop a whole bunch of stuff for them to count and they'll do that so you can escape at that moment," Shura explained.

"If she's a vampire wouldn't she have burned up though?"

"Haven't you read Dracula?"

Fast forward some more since nothing's happening. Yusuke stopped the other two before they could go on. "I'll take him on myself."

"His soul is filled with darkness. When you defeat him, the darkness of the prophecy will be released. Since you're the Chosen One you will have to take it inside yourself if you really won't let me come with you. Only a demon could take that much darkness," Kurama replied. "I never said this to you but that prophecy actually influenced the future once that demon was summoned. The prophet died when he foretold this happening. One of us will have to kill this curse before it happens again." How freaking convient.

"I'll do it anyway. If I'm the reincarnation of this guy. I'll take it." He disappeared. "Keiko?"

Keiko was sitting on a rock. "Yusuke! You came to save me!" Oh yeah, did I mention that she wan't tied down or anything? What a freaking Princess Peach or Kyrie or whatever Nero's girlfriend's name was.

"So you came! Just in time! I was about to feed your girlfriend to my pet cat- Mr. Bubbles!" Hiei laughed and stroked his persian cat who was chewing on his ear. Yeah. Mr. Bubbles. "I'll treat her to watching me kick your ass!"

"Yeah, well, dream on, dip shit! Your sweet hole is me!" Yusuke flipped him off.

"Say what?" Yusuke tackled him again. And again they spent ten minutes screaming and tickling each other and then pelting each other with fluffy pink pillows. Did I mention there's nothing yaoi about this scene? And Yusuke finished Hiei off by using his nonexistant-until-this-second-because-I-just-remembered-his-techniques-move which destroyed Hiei completely like frying an ant or something. And then Yusuke was engulfed by this huge mass of darkness. Of course poor damsel in distress here had to faint.

**Scene change XD**

"Where am I?" Keiko asked when she woke up.

"You're at my master's home. Just rest for now. The darkness must have weakened you greatly with you being only a mere human. We came just in time to save you," Kurama replied as he placed a moist cloth on her forehead. That's the cure to every ailment, don't you know?

"Oh... So Yusuke's looking for a medicine for me right?"

"No. Yusuke isn't with us."

"Then what do you mean by we?"

"The master's son and myself."

"So Yusuke just left after that fight? Did the mayor come back after that fight?"

"No, Hiei is dead. I made sure that was true. That fight is over forever."

"Then where is Yusuke? He just left?"

"He isn't with us any longer."

"You mean he...?"

"I don't know. Look at my eyes. They're usually green but now they're almost black. You really have to look to see it though. That means I took in the darkness as well. I don't know what that means. When the darkness isn't in one body then it transferrs into the next. I came just as Hiei was killed though that went against Yusuke's wishes. And... There's still hope, Keiko."

"No there isn't...!"

_"Don't cry, Keiko." _

They both turned to the door. "Yusuke!"

"What happened to your arm...?" Kurama asked.

"I guess this is what the darkness did to me. Sick though. Now everyone's gonna think I fapped too much. Dammit," Yusuke grumbled more to himself.

"Yusuke!" Keiko cried into his shoulder. "Don't ever scare me like that, you jerk..."

"I won't..." He paused and stared at the arm for a moment. "Let's go home."

And there was much peace. The end!

**Yeah. I hope I don't do another series like this in this fanfic. They get hard to keep track of. And vampires really don't burn up in daylight. That's only a dramatic device in movies. I hate the person that started that. And that thing about the vampire is true. I don't remember where that one originated from. The one from the Philipines is really scary... I hope you'll still be with me next time. See you.**


	15. High School Story Again

**Scenes from a Hat  
****Yay! Finally a new story. But I don't know what to type... Boo!  
****And the hat with all the scenes was thrown away! Double boo! So now it's more like scenes from a writer that wants to write screwed up stories. If I become famous, I wonder if people would look at this... I wonder if anyone would look at anyone's stuff here after they become famous. Apparently this isn't a healthy hobby either. Crap!  
****I want to write something sentimental for some reason too. Must be because I read stuff like that in **_**Kamikaze Kaitou Jeane**_**... Next time! (Maybe.)  
****Story 8: High School Story... Again.**

"Student body president... I'm bored... We need an event..." Kuwabara poked her with a ruler since she vowed to murder him with a winebottle while playing the super happy-hyper theme of a yaoi that IS NOT gay. That theme is as gay as George Michael or Elton John or... Wait...

"Yeah, Mukuro! We've been bugging you about this all year!" Yusuke growled. "And if you still refuse then I'll be forced to flip over this desk!"

Mukuro glanced at him then back at the desk. She continued typing whatever on her laptop. "Shut up. I'm trolling."

"Why the hell do you spend good student counsel time on trolling!"

"I do it for the lulz. What the hell do you want me to say? And what the hell do you want me to plan? Every day you come to me bitching about how you want me to do something. What the hell do you want?"

"I dunno! It's your job!"

"And it's your job as a member of the student body to give me suggestions. But all I hear all day is, 'Bah! Student Body President! I peed! I peed!'"

"Yeah, Shura. Quit peeing all over the place, you stupid freshman," Kuwabara kicked him.

"You're a jerk! I'm telling my dad on you!" Shura squirted a carton of milk in his face. And there's nothing homoerotic about that either, you sick yaoi pervo.

"And then what, huh? HUH? HUH?!"

"I dunno. I didn't think that far."

"Just get out! Some idiot on 4chan just started a flame war on me and I'm not going to have to listen to both of you at the same time. Just think of something on your own and I'll get it set up somehow. Just go!"

"Let's make a movie!" Yusuke started jumping around like he was... I'll... I'll leave that up to you."

"If that's the case then leave me out of it."

"Why?"

"I hate movies and I hate television like I hate litterbugs and baseball cards." Say what?

"So all you do is troll all day? You stupid..."

"OUT!" She flung a chemistry book into his face. For the record those things are ridiculously thick. For those of you who can fathom the thickness imagine the whole Lord of the Rings Series all combined to one book or a Stephen King novel in the uncut edition. (That passes one thousands pages easily.)

"Okay... Let's start the movie... First we need a girl in a slutty outfit and then we need to flash boobs all over the place and then add in Cthulu!" Kuwabara ranted on and on about catgirls and girls with glasses and jellybeans... And John McCain.

"What? I thought this was supposed to be a PG-13 film!" Kurama gasped.

"Only someone as flaming as you are would say something like that."

"What? I'm not burning. I'm actually kind of cold right now. But thanks for your concern."

"He meant... Never mind," Hiei did a face palm. Role reversal for the win.

"Let's make a kung fu movie! And then it can involve someone drinking poison and then his head could get all big. It can be called Senior Big Head!" Yusuke started jumping around again. Apparently the textbook didn't affect him the way Mukuro wanted it to.

"Senior isn't a Chinese word. It's Spanish. Kung Fu originated in China..."

"Shut up, Hiei! You're just the Student Body President's little poodle in stockings!"

"What?"

"On to filming!"

"Don't we need some kind of funding to do it though?" Kurama asked.

Suddenly Shura walked out. He looked around just to make sure no one was going to can him again. Yes, again. He's the type of freshman that gets attacked all the time. Once he saw the coast was clear, he started on his way to the trashcan to throw away the blob covered plate in his hands.

"You!" Yusuke grabbed him by the arm. "You're dad's filthy rich isn't he?"

"He's a senior in this school. What do you think?" he replied. "And what money he makes gets spent on gasoline from California. Particularly places like San Francisco or Monterey."

"So.. Is he?"

"Do you really think gas is that cheap?"

"Damn it!" Yusuke kicked the door open. "Mukuro! Give us the school's funds! We're all broke here!"

"I'll give you fifty cents if you get out of here!" She threw a horseshoe at him.

"Bitch!"

**Crap! How do I do scene changes in this thing? Crap!**

There was a knock on the door of the student council office. Mukuro, who already had a good idea of who it was, rolled her eyes and groaned, "Come in."

Yusuke who was followed by Shura and Hiei walked in. Yusuke didn't give her time to say anything, "We need this room."

"Screw you. Go use someone else's."

"They all have girls in them."

"I'm a girl."

"Well you're just one. See we're filming this nude scene..."

Kurama walked in naked. "Um, can I put some pants on? This is kind of uncomfortable..."

Shura covered his eyes. "Gah! Cover yourself up! No one wants to see that!"

"Shut up, both of you! Kurama, you're staying that way until this scene is filmed even if it takes the rest of the week! Yes, I realize today is Tuesday! But you're going to have to deal with it! You're an actor now."

Cue the sick yaoi fangirls. "Like, OMFG! Is that Kurama!" "It is! And he's totally naked! Squee!" "Is (guy's name of your choice) naked too!" "I love myspace!"

"You bastard!" Kurama ran away to get his clothes as he was chased by the fangirls.

"What the hell is this movie supposed to be about?" Mukuro asked.

"Shura's a kung fu guy that drinks a potion that makes his head big. We used this Richard Nixon mask for that effect since a certain someone won't fund us. And he has to fight the crazy demon woman played by Yukina and his friend played by Kurama is like this ladies man and stuff. Then he fights the supreme demon king Kuwabara. It's full of weird shots. Nothing's complete with those three." Yusuke looked proud of himself.

Face palm. "Why me...?"

**Notes:  
****Cthulu... I dunno how to explain it. He's from an HP Lovecraft story. Wikipedia H.P. Lovecraft there. It'll mention it there. And the role reversal thing... Apprently Hiei knows nothing about sex in most yaoi strories. I dunno why. The guy was raised by bandits... Oh well. And Kurama has to explain everything and then they totally do it. If the guys from Queer as Folk were there they would have been like, "Sweet..." And I know gas is nuts everywhere. Don't complain. Here in California it's almost five bucks.  
****And crap, my hometown's all smogy. It looks like fog. (My grandparents came from their trip to Mexico and they thought that's what it was...) And the air has gotten so bad here I've heard it's as bad as SECONDHAND SMOKE. I'm serious.  
****I'll also be in LA on the weekend of the Fourth of July for Anime Expo. I don't think you'll miss me but... We may meet and not know it though.  
****And Yay, I got the new Panic! At the Disco CD. I love it!  
****-Much love, JC**


	16. The Prom

**Scenes from that hat Genkai stopped wearing after the Dark Tournament PUT YOUR FREAKING HAT BACK ON LADY  
****Aw, man... I should be working on other things but this seems more appealing. Gotta make the most of it since school starts on the twenty nineth this month. (Yes, I know it's July. That's what makes it even worse.) I don't recall telling anyone about Anime Expo... There's a lot of people dressed up the same way. (coughHaruhiSuzumiyaBleachNarutocough) So that kind of got annoying... But I got some awesome stuff like prints. I also got to go to this thing on the Shin Megami Tensei Series too... (Persona 3 anyone?) Yeah. My sister took me along after Fanime so... Yeah. (Fanime's the same thing only that's run more by fans the Anime Expo is run by the industry mostly. The panels were the same though. But I never got to meet the DMC guys... Oh well.)  
****This story... I'm running out of ideas so I'll let you guys give me suggestions. So now it's more like Scenes that JapanCat found in someone's review. Scenes from a Hat sounds better though.  
****Story 9: The Prom (or even better, I Think I'll Go For the Food)**

It was perfect. All this time piling up until now... Kuwabara could finally pull of the scab that was ripening on his left knee. It came to his attention after he threm Mitarai in the trash can while trying to catch up to Yukina who was on her way to class. He had this habit of plucking them off but this time, he thought he'd be sophisticated about it and wait until it was finally ready. Just as he put his nail right at the edge and began to chisel it off perfectly-BAM!-the door to the classroom was kicked open and in walked the student council president like she was on a mission. Kuwabara looked down to see his work had been in vain. _That jerk..._

"Okay, I have to make this announcement since the speakers broke down at a convient time and the people in the student leadership aren't planning to make any posters reminding you anytime soon. The prom in coming up next week and it'll be held once again in the gym since there's no more funding for us. Make plans for that if you're going. And..." Mukuro was cut off.

"Hey! I was having an engaging lecture about the _Titanic_ movie until you came in! Scat! These kids have no business going to proms... Doing nasty things and..." Mr. Takanaka grumbled to himself. You remember him? He was one of Yusuke's teachers. The only decent one. Apparently Togashi wanted to be a teacher.

"I'll have saltine crackers for you there."

"On second thought go ahead! Children, all of you must attend the prom!"

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway... As I was saying..." She went on about the prom and penguins and Georges W and HW Bush. Such joyful things and stuff like that.

Then it suddenly hit Kurama like a ton of bricks. They said they were going to fix that light that was hanging by that one. Guess not. Then Kurama had an idea. He was going to ask Hiei to the prom! He turned to Hiei and flicked an eraser at him which hit him in the ear. Hiei didn't even bat an eye at that. Kurama poked him with a ruler. No response. Again. "Hey Hiei... Hey... Heeeey... Hieiiiii... Heeey..."

"WHAT?" Hiei growled.

"Fine. I won't say anything."

"You bastard. You had all day to bug me what the hell do you want now?"

"You're always asleep in class so I never have the chance. But with a response like that, I don't think I want to say anything anymore." Kurama crossed his arms and turned back to his desk.

Hiei groaned. "You're talking like a frickin girl."

"I just remembered just now when Mukuro came in. But really."

"Fine. Whatever. I'm sorry. What?"

"You're always awake whenever Mukuro comes in and then you're always with her when we're not in class. Yusuke's starting to feel cheated too, you know. He's been saving those bottles of jelly for when you're coming but...!"

Hiei shot up in his chair. "WHAT?!"

"Is there something wrong, Hiei?" Mukuro asked, cocking a brow. ("Oooh... Student Council President just called him by his first name and she's giving him that look...")

"Someone put a tack on my chair and I just sat on it. It hurts a lot," Hiei said as he sat back down. He glared knives into Kurama who only smiled at him innocently. Once Mukuro continued her speech Hiei hissed at Kurama, "I have other things to do. Just tell me."

"Fine... I was just wondering if you had plans next weekend."

"Yeah. I have to go to this thing. Yukina doesn't want to be over there alone and..." Hiei stared at Mukuro and sighed. "I have things to do."

"Like what?"

He waved an arm at Mukuro.

"You're planning this with her? Oh yeah, you kind of are affilated with the Student Council."

"No. We're dating. I thought you knew that."

"Oh. No... I see..."

Yeah there's nothing interesting going on with that so we'll go on to the lunch break. And as usual it was Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kurama.

"Oh yeah. I knew they were going out. I thought everybody knew that one," Yusuke replied. "But then again, you don't listen to gossip or anything. You know, I heard they already 'did it' and everything! But that's not the point. How'd you find that out all of a sudden. He never told anyone about that."

"Well... I asked him if we wanted to go with me this weekend," Kurama replied.

Long tense silence... "Wait... YOU'RE GAY?!"

"In this story, yes. But soon you will either openly accept my homosexuality or you will reject me and beat me. Pick the latter! Pick the latter!"

"No way! That's sick! I'm not even gonna touch you! Kuwabara, let's get out of here before he spreads it on to us!" Yusuke grabbed Kuwabara by the arm.

"Hey, what's going on?" Shura asked.

"It's starting! Guys are hitting on us! Gah!" Kuwabara dragged Yusuke behind him as he ran away.

Shura stared. "What...? Oh well. Hey, I heard you have this green thumb or something so I was wondering if you could..."

"I'm not going into a yaoi with that," Kurama growled.

"What?! You're not giving flowers for the prom! Selfish bastard." Oh the irony.

"Oh that." Where was your mind, Kurama? "Sure. I'll get them soon."

"You look sad. I know. I think I'll help." He put his fingers at the edges of Kurama's mouth and pulled them up into a forced smile. "I'll sing you a song... _Suicide is painless... It brings on many changes... _Or something like that." No response. "You wanna ice cream... Or a soda? I have some somewhere if you want any... Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. But okay. I was just rejected... I dunno now if I should try with someone else..." Kurama groaned.

"I could find someone else for you. What's your type?"

"I dunno."

"That's no help. I know. I have a cupcake somewhere in one of my pockets somewhere." He started searching.

Then Kurama had an idea. "You wanna go with me to the prom?"

"What? But I'm a freshman."

"Karasu's a senior and he's taking one too. He's the biggest slut in the school."

"Oh yeah... Sure."

So that's pretty much it in this scene... So the next day Hiei walked up to Kurama who was sitting alone again that lunch. Yusuke and Kuwabara were "finding themselves" at the moment so they didn't bother seeing how Kurama was doing. If that's what they want to call it.

"There you are. I didn't recognize you without those two morons swarming around you. I thought you looked down so I came here first... Don't feel bad that I can't... Er, play with you or whatever. Seriously, I have no choice in when I can leave her alone. Apparently if I'm seen with another girl that isn't Yukina she'll execute me. So..." Hiei sighed. "I could go with you the day after if you want. Mukuro has some appointment so I'll be free."

"I already have a date that day," Kurama replied stoutly. Wait, stoutly? What is this, a Victorian novel?

"Say what...? You mean when you asked me that you meant...? Dude, I don't think I play for that team..."

"You're in my new spot." Hiei turned around to see the speaker was...

"Shura...?!" Hiei fell off the chair. "Not only are you gay but you're also going out with a freshman! How gross can you get!"

"I have nothing to say to you. We'll be busy this week so I have no time for you."

Somehow Hiei imagined a dancing monkey hitting a pinata in his mind. Who knows why. "Fine. Do that and steal all the candy you stupid bastard." He stormed out of the room. Wait, what?

The next week Hiei and Mukuro were at the store for supplies for some Death Ray and Hiei saw Kurama and Shura staring at this picture of a tapdancing penguin because things always have to be convient. Of course, Hiei has to go bug him and hit him with a ruler. Kurama made a face that looked an awful lot like, "OxO".

"Everywhere I go you're right behind me stalking me! What the hell do you want?" Hiei growled and he dragged Kurama into a corner.

"Nothing. I just happened to be here and..." Kurama replied after some hesitation.

"You know what? I'm going with you to that stupid thing!"

Mukuro approached Hiei. "I found what we were..."

"It's over. Go do something else that weekend." Hiei smacked her with a frozen swordfish.

O.o "Fine. But I'm giving you that day. I think..."

The two left together without another word. Mukuro turned to Shura. "Hey..."

"BUY ME SOMETHING!" Shura kicked her in the shins.

So came the night of the prom. Mukuro was hanging out in the corner when Hiei pounced on her. "What's your problem?"

"He touched me in ways I didn't think possible!" He stopped crying. "He also wanted me to tell you that that was a nice hickey you give me. Bastard."

"Say what?"

So Kurama went back to the way he was previous to this story. And Hiei and everyone else did too. Except Hiei was pretty much scarred for life. As for Shura's reson to go to Kurama...

Shura checked the social link status. _You have Jack Frost of the Magician Arcana. You might be able to get along with him..._

**End here  
****That last joke was a reference to Persona 3. They have these social links (Basically like friends in the way The Sims has it.) and when you check the level it's at (one to ten) it says something to that affect. I think it helps you get more persona fusions. Wikipedia it.  
****And sorry to anyone who fears slash stories. It just turned out this way somehow. I don't know. I'll try keeping away from this type of thing. I need suggestions...**


	17. Tacos Noes

**Scenes from George Bush's Garage which has the Motorcycle he Hides from Laura when he goes out with Arnold (AKA the Governator of my state) and Dick Cheney, Awesome move your Presidentness  
****Yeah... I started school... It's messing up my schedule even more. So... I might have to wait til the weekends to update or my half days... (Every other Wednesday I get out at noon. I don't know why. I just do.) So... Sorry.  
****And I'm still lacking ideas for stuff to put here so I give you this thing. I hope people don't expect more yaoi-ish stuff from me... By the way I've got another story in the works and I think that be my last long running work on this site since I'm trying to get other things done. I'm a junior so I doubt college will give me enough free time to make reasonably scheduled updates... Again, sorry...  
****Story 9: TACOS NOES (But first, the death of a meme!)**

"Hey Kurama, click on this link!" Yusuke pointed at the URL.

Kurama cocked a brow. I thought you only cocked shotguns and stuff but I seem to be mistaken. "Why? This better not be that one with the two girls and that cup. That was gross. Why did you find that even remotely arousing."

"Shut up and click."

"Fine." He clicked on it was redirected to a video on youtube...

"_Never gonna give you up_

_Never gonna let you down_

_Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you..." _Or whatever the lyrics were.

"Ha! Rick Roll'd!" Yusuke started laughing so hard he started choking a bit. Then he came to an abrupt stop. "I'm going to die right now, aren't I?"

_Now on to the featured presentation._

"Okay, Yusuke, I want you to take care of my goldfish Mr. Tickles while I'm on vacation, got it?" Keiko asked Yusuke. Actually it was more of a command but who cares.

"Yeah, yeah. I got it..." He started pushing her out the door.

"And use this measuring cup. If you overfeed him, he'll die. Same thing if you forget. And we don't want him to die, do we? Remember what happened to my parrot Adrian Beaky?" Actually all he remembered about that damn bird was that he enjoyed chewing on Yusuke's fingers and then latching onto his nose. Keiko thought it was hysterical which caused Yusuke to build up a grudge against it. (If anything, he'd say Colonel Adrain Beaky had it coming.) However... He had feeling that that was why Hiei couldn't eat pea soup for a week (Or maybe Kurama had him sit through _The Exorcist_ AGAIN) and that was why he woke up with a clown costume on the end of the week. "So if Mr. Tickles dies..." She took a phone book and tore it in half with no problem. "That's only the beginning..."

"Do it again, I wasn't looking." He got swatted on the head by a newspaper and she walked away.

_Stupid Keiko. Why the hell does she keep getting new pets if she knows she can't take care of them. But... What if by that last thing she meant she'll get..._ An image of a cockatoo appeared in his mind. _Aw, crap._

He stared at the lone goldfish staring at him as it swam circles around his castle. "Next you'll want a crown." He grumbled some more things under his breath and looked back at the fish. "Can't feed you till four o clock. What am I supposed to do until then?"

He heard a knock at the door. "Dammit!" When he opened the door, there was a girl standing there.

"I want some tacos..." The girl shoved her way in.

"Lady, can't you read the sign? This place is closed."

"Oh yeah, then what are you doing here?"

"Go away."

"No! I came all the way over here to get some tacos and I'm not moving until I get them!"

"This is Japan! Who the hell sells tacos here! And I know who you are! You're that girl who was going to make out with her teacher!"

"Who told you?!" She ran out.

"Glad that's over..." Someone else barged in. "What do you...? Oh it's just Kuwabara."

"Dude, Urameshi! Let's get going! We're having a Guitar Hero competition until midnight at Genkai's! Hurry up!" Kuwabara started dancing around.

"I can't. I have to take care of Keiko's stupid fish."

"Just feed him now. I bet it won't notice."

"He'll die and then Keiko'll... Eh, just go."

"Fine, Urameshi. But then everyone'll talk about how awesome the party was and then you'll miss the confetti and the chocolate and the... The...! And then you'll be asked what you did and you'll say, 'I was watching a fish' and then from now on you'll be Dad-Mom-Angry-Pants the sad footnote in life! I'm going to go have fun!"

"Wait!" Yusuke ran upstairs and dunked the whole can of fish food unto the bowl and ran down the stairs. And about at eight o clock that night, Yusuke was having so much fun, Mr Tickles didn't matter anymore... In fact, it was such a great party that no one left until a couple of days later. And Yusuke just went home and slept for a day because drinking melted Taffy does that to you. He got up in the morning.

"Hey, Yusuke. You know Keiko comes home tomorrow," Atsuko said as she took some day old Denny's left overs out of the refridgerator.

"Oh that's cool cause then I don't have to worry about... Oh crap!" Yusuke ran out.

"What's his problem?"

Well, Atsuko...

"I wanted to go to that stupid part so bad that I forgot about Mr. Tickles! I hope he's not dead or Keiko'll get another parrot!" Yeah, that sums it up.

Kurama happened to be going on his merry way down the street when he saw Yusuke. "Oh! Yusuke! What's the rush?"

Yusuke dragged him away with him. "Can't stop. I need you to come with me since you can make anything sound pleasant, except a yaoi."

"Hey, I resent that!"

"Shut up!" Yusuke struggled with the lock to Keiko's house. "I need you to go in and look in the fish bowl. And tell me what you see..."

"Okay..." Kurama looked down. "I see a lot of flakes of food..." He dipped a finger in and pushed the flakes out of the way. "And... There's a dead goldfish in there. It looks bloated like it overate or something." Yusuke punched him in the stomach. "What was that for? What did I do?"

"You were supposed to lie and tell me it was okay so I can blame you!"

Irritable sigh. "Fine. The fish is perfectly alive. He just loves theatrics." He got punched in the stomach again. "Quit hitting me there! That's my soft spot thanks to all the stabbings I've taken."

"Oh yeah, you know how it feels to..."

"I'm out of here." He started walking away but Yusuke grabbed him by the hair.

"I need your help! If Keiko sees this then, I'm dead! Well, worse than dead!"

"I just came this way because I was making tacos today!" Kurama shook his head. "I'll do my best. Hiei's good with fishing. I'll take you to him but after that I can't do anything more to help you."

So they went on to find Hiei who was sitting there with a fishing rod he traded a picture of John McCain for. (The old man who took it thought it was worth it.)

"Hiei, Yusuke needs you to catch a small fish for him. He killed Keiko's goldfish," Kurama explained.

"It may take me a day. It may take me a week or more," Hiei replied meditatively.

"I need the fish by tomorrow!" Yusuke swatted him with a flyswatter.

"Should have thought about getting a fish before today. If you want one that bad, just go to the petstore and get one."

"But you're cooler!"

"Flattery won't make me work harder. Just like if I ever want to kill someone. As long as I'm paid then I'll do it."

"Hiei, you do both for free," Kurama repied smugly.

"Well, I'd do one hell of a job if I were paid!" Long silence.

The other two sat back and played something like 21 while Hiei fished.

"I got one!" Kurama and Yusuke turned around.

"Really? Where'd you put it?" Yusuke looked around eagerly.

"I ate it."

"You bastard! You were supposed to keep it!"

"Oh." They went through the same thing until sunset came. The two were sick of waiting and left. Yusuke decided to stop by Kurama's house.

"Well, Yusuke, I guess you can stop by the petstore and..." Kurama was interrupted.

"No! I can't! I'm going to die anyway! I'm going up to your room without dinner! I'll just go there and cry myself to sleep! That is if I can sleep!" Yusuke ran up the stairs.

"Shuichi..." Shiori stared at her son. "Did you remember to "

"Mom!"

Yusuke hid in the closet. Kurama knocked on the door. "Yusuke! You need to come out of the closet! And if you don't, so help me God, I will strike you with this book of Freudian principles!"

"Hell no! I hate you! And I hate your stupid hair extensions!"

"Yusuke... I'm waiting here and I won't sleep until you leave!"

Two hours later Kurama was being tucked in by his mother. "Man, I love sleeping! I wish I could wake up just so I can go back to sleep!"

Fastforwarding to Keiko's return... Yusuke stood in front of Keiko's house with Kurama and Kuwabara (who was playing air guitar).

"Yusuke! I'm back!" Keiko ran into the house. "I'm so happy I'm back! Now I get to see Mr. Tickles!"

"Keiko, how about we get something to eat first?" Yusuke blocked the doorway leading to Keiko's room.

"Well, I want to say hi to..."

"Kurama wears bunny pajamas with the little feet!" Yusuke blurted out. Everyone stared at him.

"Who told you?!" Kurama screamed.

"Um, I only stayed over at your house." Kurama ran away and Kuawabara chased after him to comfort him with a bowl of Cheerios.

"Yusuke, are you hiding something?" Keiko leaned over.

Yusuke hugged her tight. "I wanted to wait until they were gone so I can tell you how much I love you..."

"Oh Yusuke..."

"Here's that damn fish. I worked my ass off to get this so you owe me some monjyayaki," Hiei dropped the fish at their feet. "Quit dry humping each other. I'm still here."

"Wait, what?!" Keiko shoved Yusuke away. "Why did he get a fish?"

"I can explain!" She saw Mr. Tickles in the bowl. "Yusuke, you..."

"You know, what? Don't bitch! Why the hell were you gone so long anyway?" Yusuke growled.

"I wanted to get some tacos."

_**WHY?!**_

**Notes:  
Yeah... Jaganshi Kenshin mentioned that monjyayaki was Hiei's favorite food. If you want to know what it is, google it. Or wikipedia it. Which ever's easier. I based this off an episode of The Brak Show. I think I might have something to say but I noticed this translation of the YYH manga uses Shit a lot. And the Mukuro dropped the F bomb. Serious business. Or maybe it's because I saw a play in which two of the actors (both guys) kiss... It freaked the second graders out.**


	18. The Play

**Scenes from a Hat (How long has it been since I actually put this real title?)  
****Notes: ...Man... I've had trouble updating lately. I've gotten this virus on my computer and I've been so busy trying to go around that that I haven't updated. (Just for the record, I haven't updated Ride like the Wind in like six months! Crap!) ...And it doesn't help that I've complied a gigantic heap of manga to read too... And I have a psych experiment I should be working on... Meh. Well, I hope you enjoy this thing I am about to write. Or if not, drop down and give the corporal fifty!  
****Story Whatever Number this is: The Play**

Yusuke kicked the door down and he walked in with Kurama and Kuwabara following. "Hey student council president, we need to use your office."

"First you break down the door and then you suddenly demand to use my office for whatever it is you're doing?! Go to hell Urameshi and get out of here!" Mukuro growled.

"We're creating a play but those drama club douches are hogging the theater. And we need a place to rehearse. Plus there's no audience to post this stuff on youtube so... If it bugs you take your..." He squinted so he could read the screeen. "...Freudian Principles which I see involves Hamlet somewhere else!"

"I'm the student council president I don't have to listen to you!" Stand off. Insert cowboy music. "Fine. Do what you want. I don't even know why I argue anymore. Who else is in your play?"

"Me, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei... Isn't Shura in it?"

"No, he's writing the script, directing, working the lights... Basically he's the whole stage crew," Kurama replied.

"Why's that?"

"Because he's a freshman."

"Ha! Stupid freshman scum! Let's can him later!"

"Okay... So what's the play supposed to be about?" Hiei appeared at that moment, dragging a box of props with him. She stared at the box noticing there were blood stains covering the box. "Really- what's it about?"

"I think it's called something like Killing Yesterday's Tommorrow's Yesterday's Today. But we call it Operation Clockwork Orange. It's something like a peasant saves the city so the queen marries him and then they go on interstellar adventures to retrieve the crystal skull from Peter Griffin," Hiei explained. "I didn't read the script."

"Um. The peasant guy's Oedipus and that's Yusuke. The queen's Jocasta and played by Hiei..." Kuwabara was interuppted.

"Why is Hiei a woman?" Mukuro asked.

"...Because no girls wanted to be in the play."

"But why not Kurama if that was the case?"

"He makes great villians. He's all the villians. See, the villians are all aliens and they're all related so they all look alike. Plus between you and me, he's got an evil laugh. And Hiei's got a girly face anyway."

"No, he doesn't."

"What, are you a face machine? Shut up and let him explain." Yusuke growled.

"Yeah, let me explain! Anyway, I'm Peter Griffin and I have a sword!"

"I'm not sure I follow the plot." Mukuro replied.

"Yeah, well, I'm not sure I follow your face!" Yusuke replied. Shura appeared, dragging a table with him. "Great, now you have out practice stage!"

"Yeah, I dragged it up and down the stairs all day so you better like it. Jerk," Shura replied. "I'm the director, I shouldn't have to do all the labor! You do! Eh, whatever. Act 3 Scene 1. Action!"

"_Oedipus, now that we've_- Goddamn it Mukuro, what the hell are you laughing about?!" Hiei growled. "You always do this! I could be walking down the stairs and you'll be laughing like it's the best joke in the world!"

"You're Jocasta, right? You sleep with your son!"

"I WHAT?!"

"Shut up, President! You're breaking the fourth wall, you bitch! Gah! Okay, trial number two. Act 3, Scene 1. Action!"

"_Oedipus now that we've defeated the moneky lord of the fifth dimension, how will we find the crystal skull now?"_

"Oh my god, no way!"

"Shh!"

"_Well, Jocasta, I think I know of a man that has it. He goes by the name Benjamin Batman. But I know his real name from when I was a crime fighting hockey player. His name is Peter Griffin."_

"This play sucks."

"What did I just tell you?!"

"_But, Oedipus, I'm scared. And I still feel that our love is wrong."_

_"Wrong? What's wrong? What have I told you? Are you just going to live your life worrying?"_

"Yeah, she will."

_"No! So dance with me, Jocasta! Dance the dance of life-_" And Yusuke fell of the table, nearly toppling Hiei off as well.

"Who wrote these crappy lines?"

"You know, what? Just get out if this is all you're going to be doing then!"

"Fine, I'll be a good person and keep my mouth shut..."

Yusuke started groaning. "I think I.... I think I broke a leg. I'm stuck."

"I'm starting to agree with Mukuro. I don't wanna be a woman who slept with her kid. That's screwed up," Hiei jumped off the table. "What's next? _Flowers in the attic_?"

"That's not the story at all! Here, lemme tell you the whole thing since you failed to read the script... _In another world there was a troubled city troubled by a horrible taxedirmist until the crime fighting hockey player appeared and defeated the taxedirmist with a flame thrower. So the queen in returnn marries the player and then they decide to go on vacation... On Mercury!"_

"What a twist!"

"Shut up! _Then the monkey lord appears and tries to kidnap the beautiful queen!_"

"I'm not beautiful! What is this garbage!" Hiei threw a rotten apple at Shura.

_"So they move planet to planet to enjoy their vacation until they realize that they need to find the heirloom- the crystal skull which was given to a peasant who gave it to a Captain somewhere... On the moon!"_

"What a twist!"

_"They find the Captain but he refuses to give the crystal skull to Jocasta because Oedipus is really... Her brother!"_ Collective gasp.

"What a...."

"I swear if you say that one more time..."

Hiei shook his head and walked out. "I thought I knew you, man." Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara shrugged and walked out as well.

"And I put so much work into this..." Shura felt tears forming.

"How long did it take you to write it?" Mukuro asked.

"Uh... Two hours."

"Ugh..." Face palm.

**End...  
****Notes:  
****Yeah... The top I wrote way back so it's really outdated but I thought it was nice to see what I thought a month ago. I finished my psych thing so I'm free. Nothing's really happened since we last met. I think I made some one shots but that depends on if you're interested. Meh. Cadet challenge this week and next. Let's see if I make it out and can still type...  
****Much love, JC.**


	19. Magical Man Kuwabara!

**Scenes From a Hat  
****Notes: So sorry I was gone. I had to take the computer in to get fixed. We had so many infections that we couldn't really do anything. Glad that's over. But now we have no sound! Gah! I'm not sure what I might have to say... This might take forever to finish (as of 5.5.09)  
****Story Whatever: Magical Man Kuwabara!**

_"The year was 1992 and the city of Tokyo was drwoned in darkness. Crime spread throughout the city and there was no one out to save the innocent civilians. Sure, there's Yusuke Urameshi-"_

"Hey, bro, you need to give me my CD back!" Shizuru growled when she ran into the room, practically kicking down the door. "You better not've broken it! And who're you talking to right now anyway?"

"I'm not... It's on the desk. Take it and let me go back to my thoughts." Kuwabara turned back to the window as she rolled her eyes. Once he heard her leave the room he relaxed.

_"Sure, there's Yusuke Urameshi but he's only saving the human race from demons everywhere. Demons like that jerk... Oh well, he's an okay guy. If Hiei would only work towards saving the humans from themselves I'd like him a whole lot more but... Anyway. I've watched this city of mine being taken down and I can't stand it any longer. If he won't save us then there must be someone else. And it will have to be up to the last man left. The last one who can't take it anymore. And his name is... Magical Man Kuwabara! But little does the city know that their protector is I Kazuma Kuwabara!"_

Kuwabara grabbed a backpack and looked inside. He smirked and yelled, "Hey sis! I think I'll be going to bed now!"

"What?!" She stormed into the room. "It's only four in the afternoon!"

"So?! I'm sleepy! Leave me alone!" She rolled her eyes at that and walked out. Kuwabara closed the door behind her. He laughed and looked out the window. "Uh... Or maybe I won't jump out..." He started walking out the room when Shizuriu asked him what he was doing. "I'm not tired after all. I'm goiing out to play games!"

He ran into the nearest building (a Mc Donalds) and ran into the bathroom. He went straight into the stall and took his costume from the backpack. It was a black mask and a Batman cape and a large button with a double M on it... And that was all. But then he heard a sink running. _Oh no! My cover's blown! Unless they never saw me come in... Then I'm still..._

He jumped out of the stall. There he saw Kurama who didn't notice Kuwabara at all. He was standing in front of the container of paper towels, noticing that it was empty. He shrugged, mumbling to himself something about it always being empty. He turned to go to the air dryer but when he turned he saw Kuwabara standing there, arms crossed.

"Oh. Hi, Kuwabara. You going to a convention or something?" Kurama asked, finally deciding to wipe his hands on his pants.

"I'm not Kuwabara. I'm Magical Man Kuwabara!" he growled.

"I know it's you. You're just wearing a mask and a cape that has MM on it. I can even see your name on the back of your cape."

"N-no you don't!"

"It clearly says, 'If lost return to owner Kazuma Kuwabara.' But really, what are you doing?"

"Er... I have nothing to say to that."

"Well, it doesn't help that your alias is the same as your real name except with Magical and Man attached to it. But really..."

"I'm a crime fighting hero! Haven't you heard of me!"

"Uh... No. Sorry... I have to go now."

"No, I want you to be my side kick! You could be... Uh... Foxy Kurama!"

"No!"

"Okay... Uh... Man Fox!"

"No! Just no!"

"Hey, it's really hard to take a crap with you two nitwits yapping your asses off!"

"Oh shut up!" Kurama stormed out.

"Huh, and I thought he had the Gary Stu temperance." And to the fans, "I can say smart stuff, too, you know!" And back to himself, "Well, no matter! Magical Man Kuwabara doesn't need a second wheel cause he's like an amputated bicycle- with extreme pain all the time... And um..."

"I'd get out of here if I was you!"

"...Freaking toilet humor."

_So Magical Man Kuwabara comes out when the sun comes down to vanquish Japan of all evil criminals! I had been walking through the street when I saw a crime waiting to happen right before my eyes! And the man who was about to do it was none other than the evil of all evils, the mother of all... Er, I think father of all evil..._

"Kuwabara, you know it's really hard to sneak up on someone when they know it's coming?" Hiei asked, not even bothering to look at him over his shoulder. **That should be what's to be expected.**

"No, no, no, NO! It's a voice over, stupid! Only the narrator's supposed to hear it! And I'm the only one that has one so get your own voice over, jerk ass!"

"Yeah, well, I can hear it too. Ass monkey."

"Punk ass bitch!"

And several other variations of curses all involving the word "ass" somewhere down the line...

"And I'm not Kuwabara! I'm Magical Man Kuwabara! Get it right!"

"I can tell it's you! You're a moron if you can't see through that crappy costume of yours! You're the lowest of the low! You're the worst superhero I've ever met!"

"Wow, you've met other superheroes? Who?"

"Er, well, not really... But you're still the worst superhero in the history of the world! Including Aquaman! (Seriously, what the hell can he do that'll save a building from being bombed?) So go somewhere else!" **But goddamn it, being snarky is awesome...** "Damn voiceovers."

And so Kuwabara ran home and cried in his Cheerios... And so concludes another exciting episode of the Adventures of Magical Man Kuwabara!!

**end of story**

Author's note: By the way, you ever wonder why Magical girls can get away with using their real names and running around looking almost exactly like they normally do without being caught? Sorry about the wait. Been having timing trouble lately. I hope I'll get updates faster once Ride like the Wind's over... That story needs to end already. Nothing much going on on my end... Comp's fixed for the most part...  
Well, hope you review. Much love, JC.


	20. Friendly Reunion

**Scenes from a Hat**

**Notes: I dunno, guy, running out of ideas...I don't know anymore... Maybe I should find a new paper bag of stuff again. My updates are getting more sporadic because of all the crap I've been having to do. That and because of writer's block. I hope someday I'll be able to get back on schedule but...  
****And here's a story I though of when I was bored and walking around the house. Don't ask how it happens.  
****Story 13: Friendly Reunion**

1999, September probably, or could do like MPD Psycho- X Month, 199Y to 200W.

A few years had passed since that day at the beach. The fours guys were gathered in Genkai's temple. Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama were sitting at a table and Hiei was staring out the window, to which Kuwabara whispered to Yusuke, "What is he writing poetry over there? Why doesn't he start writing about how he wishes he were a bird so he can be free like his dark soul?"

"I can hear you," Hiei growled.

"Yeah, who cares?" Kuwabara stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at him.

"Yeah, come 'ere, we got some important stuff to talk about and we need you to join in," Yusuke replied.

"What kind of stuff?" Cocked brow.

"I dunno. Someone getting an eye poked out. Whatever you want it to be! Just get over here!"

Irritable sigh. He walked over and sat next to Kurama.

"Okay. Kurama, you need a girlfriend," Yusuke said. Short and sweet and to the point.

"Wait, I what? No, I'm okay. I don't think I really need..." Kurama was interrupted by Hiei getting up.

"Sit back down. You need a hand in this!" Yusuke growled. "If you get up again I'll... Kuwabara, what's that sitting at your feet?"

"A stapler."

"Yeah, Hiei, if you don't sit down, I'll hold you down with a stapler!"

"How the hell is that supposed to do anything!"

"You know what, how bout you shut up and let us get this stuff taken care of!" Yusuke stared at Kurama and then Kuwabara. He refused to look at Hiei though. Apparently that was his punishment for getting up in the first place. "Okay, who do we know that's available?" No comments. "Ugh... Sure, I gotta do all the work... Lemme see... Shizuru..."

Kuwabara objected. "No! That's weird! I don't wanna call you my brother! And she's really... She kind of.. No, just no! That's just weird!"

"Okay... Botan...."

"Hey, if Kurama does it with her... Does that make her a necophiliac?"

"What about Zombies? And vampires, too?" Hiei added.

"Yeah! Cause she's kind of dead, isn't she? She's a grim reaper... Or is she human?"

They all said together. "Or is we dancer?"

"Your mom's available!"

"YOUR mom's available! Very mature, Hiei!" Yusuke growled. "And since you're throwing so much out, how bout you name some people you know!"

Hiei stared at him. "I don't know any women. Don't ask me."

"So you mean to tell me that of all the people you live with, Mukuro's the only girl there? I'd keep an eye on her if that's true. Nah, I know that's not true. She loves you very much... She told me."

"She only talked to you twice! Or three times... Or four! But not enough to say enough!"

"Hey, what about those girls from the Tournament? Koto and Juri and that half naked one?" Kuwabara suggested. "They owe us one!"

"Well, I think they forgot all about us... And I kind of wouldn't want to date a half naked girl... And I mean that because... How do I say this nicely...?" They already figured it out.

"Hey, maybe Mukuro's got friends..." Yusuke carried on the suggestion.

"No! Quit asking about her!" Hiei threw a rock at him.

"Oh thank god!" Kuwabara looked relieved. They all looked at him. "I thought Mukuro was a guy and I thought it was weird... Cause I didn't think you were... G... Ga-"

"Where have you been in the last five minutes, Kuwabara?"

"Hey, so what's she look like? Is she hot?"

"Why do you care? You're chasing after someone, don't you?"

Keiko opened the door. "Oh hey. There you are! I was looking for you. Hey, I haven't seen you in a while." Indicating Hiei. "So how've...?"

Yusuke pulled out some playing cards and began to shuffle them. "So guys, it's time to talk about boobs and smoke some cigars..."

"Ugh. If you wanted me to leave, you should have just said so!" She slammed the door.

Long silence. Hiei stood up. "Good new everyone. Now that it's quiet."

"What, Mukuro's pregnant?" Yusuke laughed.

"God, no! Where'd you get that?!"

"I dunno... I heard some rumors that she's not like she used to be and you seem a bit relaxed.... Come on, you can't tell me you've been together, what, five years almost and you never did the deed?"

"What if we did? Why do you care? Why don't you tell me about your personal life first?"

"What if I do? What're you gonna do about it, bitch?"

"I'm leaving!"

"Hey, separation anxiety! And no you don't! Go sleep on the couch!"

"Screw you!" He crawled on the table and curled into as tight a ball he could.

"What the hell are you doing now?"

"I'm going to sleep!"

"Yeah well get your big butt out of my face!"

"I'm not moving, you move!"

"I think I want to leave, too. This is getting too weird for me..." Kurama mumbled.

"I don't know, Kurama. I think this is kind of funny..." Kuwabara would have taken out a bag of popcorn and sat there like he was at the movies if he could.

Then Yukina opened the door. "Hey, guys. I brought cookies with me if you want some. Keiko told me you were in here. Oh it's Mr. Hiei. It's been a while... But what are you doing sitting on the table like that?"

"...Nothing." He quickly got off and looked like he was pouting.

"Hey, let's finish this later. I want something to eat," Kuwabara said. Yusuke jumped to his feet and went out.

Kurama paused on his way out. "Hiei, aren't you coming?"

"Yeah... Don't wait for me." Kurama shrugged at that comment. After they all left the room, they heard Hiei scream and they saw Hiei getting attacked by a bunch of Christmas lights.

And Kurama finally spoke for everyone. "What the HELL?"

Of course they all helped him out. Yusuke said, "Now that we've freed Hiei who decided to make it Christmas for some reason, let's party like it's 1999!"

"But is!" Hiei corrected him.

"Group hug!" Botan cheered. And they all crowded around Hiei.

"No! Stop! I hate you all!"

**end story**

Yeah. I was bored towards the end. It sounded better in my head. And there was a The Killers reference in there. And Prince...


	21. Creation of a Great Band

**Scenes from a Hat  
****Notes: My other computer died for good so I'm having trouble getting things done. I might stop writing for this at twenty five or thirty. I'm not sure which. Meh, I'm going to have trouble keeping up with my updates from here on out. I rediscovered fanfiction so I've actually been reading. I've also been doing a lot of one shots lately on top of my strange updating schedule... It must annoy people.  
****I hate insomnia. And I'm still taking requests for this thing. Later on, I'm planning to do another thing of one shots/ short stories. (Whichever makes you feel less like you're reading something incomplete.) I might do it following the end to this one or after the end of Ride like the Wind. (And Lovecraft Anon. does not count because it's far from over at this point. Anyway, I've wasted enough of everyone's time by writing this big old note (I could write an episode of Seinfeld!) so let's see what we have in store for our four favorite guys. ...Or they all should be your favorites. (Kurama and Hiei are real hams, you know?)**

**Story whatever whatever whatever: Creation of a Great Band**

So Yusuke had a brilliant idea one day. "Hey, let's be the new internet sensation! Let's start a band!" The other three looked at him like he was crazy. "I'm serious!"

"I know you are but... Really?" Kuwabara asked.

"Yeah really! Okay, so I was thinking we'd be a rock band. I actually started writing lyrics in my closet last night. I was texting this guy I met on the internet and then it hit me that..."

"Yusuke, I honestly don't give a crap about your day. I'm saying no. I already know what's gonna happen and then we'll all feel stupid and then I'll try to stay away from you guys until you force me into another one of your stupid carnivals again," Hiei growled.

"Hiei, it's male bonding. Does that sound stupid to you?" Yusuke slapped a hand on his shoulder.

"It sounds homoerotic and disgusting. So yes, it does."

"Yeah, well, you see homoeroticism everywhere you go. Can it. since we're talking right now, what instrument do you play?"

"Violin. See, I'm not any help."

"Violin. You're frickin lying man."

"No, I've seen him play before. Apparently he apsires to play The Devil's Trill to perfection. He has problems," Kurama replied.

"Well, crap! What about you?"

"Which one? I know piano, clarinet, flute, guitar, drums, cymbals, xylophone, oboe, cello, picolo, bells..."

"How the hell do you know that many?"

"If you're the main character in eighty percent of fanfiction, you'd be like that too..."

"Okay. I won't argue with you. I can play bass..."

"I can play the drums! Lemme be the drummer, Urameshi! I can play the drums like nobody's business and I can even put all the greatest drum players to shame! And if I'm a drummer then Yukina'll think I'm even cooler!" Kuwabara said, waving a hand around frantically like a child desperately trying to get a teacher's attention... Or the same situation except a middle schooler.

"No one asked your opinion Kuwabara. And everyone knows that drummers are the scum of the earth," Hiei replied.

"You play the violin! How's that any better for a rock band if you even know what a rock band is! Well do you? Hmm?"

"...I really like Led Zepplin... And Aerosmith... And Van Halen, Pink Floyd, Iron Maiden..."

"How do you find out about these things...?" Yusuke stared. "Anyway... So let's discuss band names."

"Okay, well, I have one ground rule. It has to be something that I can tell my mom because if I tell her I'm going to start a band with my friends, she'll ask me what the name of the band and then she'll start crying if it's inappropriate," Kurama replied sheepishly.

"That's why you lie and tell her you went to play videogames or lie about the name of the band," Hiei replied.

"Would YOU lie to YOUR mom?" Kuwabara asked. When Hiei shrugged, he growled, "What do you mean I dunno?"

"Maybe because she's dead."

"Liar."

"What makes you think I am...?" And then he looked like a was going to jump off a bridge... Which no one drowns in because it's the one in the sandbox in the park. There was an awkward silence.

"Okay so name ideas... That are inappropriate..." An idea came to Yusuke's mind. "How about Pornographic Meatloaf?"

"Yusuke!" Kurama was appalled and looked like he was going to puke sand... For some odd reason.

"Or Looking for Tush? Centerfold? Penthouse? Playboy? A Rocket named after..."

"Quit that! Just stop!"

Kuwabara came on to it. "Kitty in the Middle? Two balls?"

Hiei was about to open his mouth when Kurama elbowed him in the throat, growling, "Don't you even think about it!"

"You don't even know what I was going to say! That hurt, you idiot!" Hiei growled. "I was just going to say I didn't come all the way over here to hear this crap. I'm out."

"Oh. In that case, I'm going too."

"Okay, we'll do G Rated names. Any ideas? Hiei you look like a guy that knows cool names. Say words," Yusuke said. No response. "Okay..."

Keiko walked. "Hey, there you all are. Um, Yusuke..."

"Get out, we're bonding! Go do whatever girls do in their free time, I don't care if it's lighting farts on fire! Get out!" Yusuke pushed her out of the room. "Um... Gunblade Dragon Rose! Spirit Guns and Rose Whips!" The other three dismissed it as a stupid idea. "Okay, then tell me a good name."

"Bomb Shelter Men?"

"Happiness at the Discotec?"

"Forgotten Blimp?"

"Wind Maker?"

"These ideas all suck," Hiei growled. He threatened to leave again.

"Fine! Let's just go to the part where we make kick ass rock and roll!" So they gathered their instruments and they pressed the record button. And then they began to play... Then they turned off the recording device. Kurama put on his headphones and listened... Then he looked a little disgusted.

"What's wrong? It didn't record and someone has something nasty recorded on there?" Kuwabara asked.

"Worse. We sound like the Japanese version of Fallout Boy," Kurama replied. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. "Look, they have a bunch of fangirls."

"Fangirls are good. Well, we call em groupies now because we're in a band."

"Well, they're an American band. With AMERICAN fangirls."

"Oh god! That is bad!"

"I don't get it," Hiei replied. "Not because I like the idea. I don't get the analogy at all."

"Hiei, you ever have that annoying twelve year old girl stalk you promising to give you enternal love or some crap but she just really, really, REALLY just wants to get in your pants?" Yusuke asked.

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"Okay, so multiply that by a thousand percent."

"...I want to puke."

"Okay, so what's the plan? How do we appeal to Japanese girls and then not get those psychos?"

"Yusuke, if you've ever met an anime fangirl, or anyone who calls themself an otaku like it's a good thing, there's no stopping them. We might have to stop this," Kurama replied.

"No! I refuse!"

"...I just puked. Watch your step," Hiei said.

"What, you couldn't find a trashcan or the bathroom!" Yusuke growled.

"Well, I thought I'd be okay if we stayed away from you-know-whats and then you mentioned the so called other you-know-whats and then I couldn't hold it in anymore. It's your fault."

"Yeah, I saw it happen," Kuwabara added.

"And you didn't grab anything for him to barf in? No, you just sat there like 'Oh look he's going to puke, that's nasty' and you didn't do anything about it. You're cleaning it up now!"

"Why?! I'm not the one that puked!"

"But you didn't stop him!"

"Well, you kept mentioning American fangirls and then you made him do it!"

"Oh god... Please stop..." Hiei looked a little green.

"Well, shut up and swallow it, d bag!" Yusuke growled. "Kuwabara, shut it and clean it. I don't want him puking anymore."

Kuwabara started pouting and then finally grabbed a mop, grumbling about how the drummer always gets the abuse... Which was strange considering how he was actually playing the tamborie.

"Okay, Kurama, you got any ideas on how to avoid you-know-who?" Yusuke asked.

"Oh, well, that's easy. See, you destroy the horcruxes and then you learn a spell like Advra Kadavra and..." Kurama was interrupted.

"You dweeb, I meant, THE THINGS RIGHT NOW. Freaking Dungeons and Dragons people..."

"It's called _Harry Potter_ and it's lots more times awesomer than Dungeons and Dragons!" Yes, Kurama just said awesomer.

"Go read some REAL fantasy like _Lord of the Flies_ or _World of Warcraft_, not that fruity wand waving crap!"

"It's _Lord of the Rings_ and WOW is a computer game. I'm quiting... Come on, Hiei, before you puke again..." Hiei practically ran after him, though he was still feeling the effectos of nasuea.

"Fine, run, jerks!" Yusuke gave them the finger.

"I'm leaving too because you made me clean puke. Jerk," Kuwabara growled as he dropped the towel on Yusuke's shoes.

"...I hate you all." And so came the Yoko to their... Er... Well, thus came the end to a potentially great band.

**End of story**

**Sorry it was long... So the bands paradied in order of mentioning... Guns n Roses, Fallout Boy, Panic! At the Disco, Led Zepplin, Aerosmith. And yes, I went there... Fangirls. They're the same no matter where you go but seeing that I'm an American, I'd probably see only crazy fangirls here. Meh. Don't complain.**


	22. Kuwabara's a Loner

**Scenes from a Hat that's Inside my Head… Sounds a bit like I need a therapist, doesn't it?**  
Notes: Oh man… It's been about three years since this was first written? The hell? Okay so I might not end it so neatly at twenty five. I might end it later. I dunno. Don't wanna let this go but I have no more ideas for this. And I lied about the whole "Waiting til the end of Ride like the Wind or this one to publish something else" thing. It's got the first chapter up at this point so… If you're interested it's called Forever Yesterday. If not, then enough talk, have at you. (Yeah, that's a _Castlevania_ reference.)

**Story 15: Kuwabara is a loner.**

Kuwabara practically kicked down the door to the classroom during lunch. He marched right up to Yusuke and Kurama and flipped over their desks.

"The hell is your problem, Kuwbara?" Yusuke growled. "I was about to eat that pineapple onion cake until you showed up!"

"You're gross! You actually eat that?" Kuwbara asked, still fuming.

"Well, actually Shura gave it to Kurama…"

"…And then I gave it to Yusuke," Kurama added.

"Yeah but I think it's nasty so… I was probably gonna take a couple of bites and then spit out those bites and then throw it away anyway."

"So it's not such a bad deal that you threw the desk."

Kuwabara kicked the overturned desks. "And why wasn't I invited! I never get to be there when you do cool stuff! I saw on your facebook that you had the awesomest party ever this weekend and where was I? Sitting at home cleaning my cat's litterbox! Where's Hiei? I want to him hear this too!"

"Uh… I think he's making out with Mukuro right now. You ever see them going at it? It's weird," Yusuke said.

"Have you ever really…?"

"No. People never ask me if I have though. But I saw them go in the broom closet together earlier so they're totally going second base by now… Or maybe third. What's third again?"

"I don't care! I want answers…"

"Uh… Well, that party… Keiko couldn't invite another person because her parents said that she already had too many people invited already…" Yusuke said.

"And I wanted to talk her parents into inviting you but this girl I was going with doesn't like you so she thought we wouldn't really miss you if… But the point is we tried!" Kurama added.

"You should have told me at least instead of making me find out on Shorty's facebook!" Kuwbara kicked the desk again.

"…He has a facebook? And he posts stuff on it?" Kurama looked slightly sad.

"Well, he mostly talked about how he didn't wanna be there which meant that it was a kick ass party! I don't wanna talk to you guys anymore! I'm gonna find myself some new friends! Or be a loner! But I'll get friends that don't ignore me and leave me all alone!"

"But we…"

"Start talking and I'll sing Linkin Park!"

"…Linkin Park's not that bad."

Kuwbara stormed out and walked to the nearest closet to angst. Just when he opened the door, he saw Hiei and Mukuro staring at him. "Oh great! And look who I run into! Mr. I'm too good for my friends so I'll make out with my girlfriend!"

"Uh… We're… we're not dating. We're not doing anything at all right now actually. If you could just move out of the way…" Hiei was interrupted.

"Okay then why didn't you tell me about that party! Why did I have to hear about it on your facebook?"

Mukuro looked at Hiei. "You have a facebook?"

"You don't even have a computer, woman. Why do you wanna know?" He turned back to Kuwabara. "I didn't wanna go but Keiko's mom wanted me to go because I'm her biggest customer. Now seriously, Kuwabara. You need to move."

"And you didn't bother talking her mom into…" He was pushed in and the door slammed behind him. "The crap? What? The door's not opening."

"That's why we've in here together. Somehow Hiei walked into here and someone shut the door on him. Then I walked by and tried to get him out and then the door closed on me. So we're all locked in," Mukuro said. "So until someone else realizes we're in here we'll have to be trapped."

"I don't wanna be in here with you! You guys aren't my friends anymore."

"I was never your friend in the first place."

Hiei grumbled, "And I never liked you to begin with. And the fact that you're stuck with us only makes my anger worse."

The door was opened and there stood the emo of all emos… Kyushi Mitarai. He looked slightly disgusted and grumbled, "Mi emo kloset has ben taken ovr bi sum stupid preps."

As Hiei and Mukuro shoved their way out the closet, Kuwabara had a grand idea… But that involved terrorist plots and dancing like a monkey in the nude, so he had yet another brilliant idea! _I'm gonna be EMO! Wait… Im gona b goffic. Fangs to mi frends ho maid mi mak dis relizashun. Geddit cuz im goffic? N no fangs to mi Xfrends. Lolololol_

-.-.-Sene chan lolz

"…Was that Enoby just now?" Kurama asked.

"Quit breaking the fourth wall!" Yusuke kicked him.

"The wall is perfectly intact! I was asking an innocent question."

"Whatever."

Kurama leaned back in his seat. "You think we should make it up to Kuwabara? He hasn't spoken to us in a week. In fact, I haven't seen him since last time either. I'm starting to get worried."

"What's there to worry about? You know who else we haven't seen much this week? Hiei. You never complain about him not being there."

"Because we know what _he's _doing. Or we can guess."

"You can't guess what Kuwbara's doing?" Kurama sighed.

Lololololollollolmoar schen changessss

Kuwabara followed Mitarai into the classroom where all the emos hung out at. There he saw the most emo people he ever met- Elder Toguro, Shishiwamumaru, The EMOTIONAL Suzuka, Botan, Sensui, Gourmet, and King Emo himself… Jin! But there was one unexpected face…

"Hiei! Freaking A! What the hell are you doing here?" Kuwbara threw a desk at him. "This is my story and you're not supposed to be part of it!"

"I was dragged here because someone thought I was emo! This is how I end up at the clubs I'm in. How do you think I got into the Student Council?" Hiei growled. "And you stole that line from _Kingdom Hearts_, you dim bulb!"

"I did not! And everybody knows that you're on Student Council because you're dating the president anyway!"

"I wish I were so I could break up with her."

"Dude that's screwed up."

"Yeah well, the world's an ugly place and this time you can't put a frickin paper bag on it."

And King Emo Jin gagged. "WTF ur datin? …UNACCEPTABLE!"

Hiei saw a way out of this one. "Yeah. We go at in behind the dumpsters and then we send texts to each other when we haven't talked for ten minutes. We worry about each other a lot. In fact, I need to send one now…"

"Stop tat!"

In another part of the school, Mukuro looked at her phone to see a text reading, "lolz I miss u ;)" _Either he was paid to do this or he's on something…_

Back to our guys… King Emo Jin then kicked Hiei out. And hopefully out of the story. You know after Hiei told him fangs for letin him owt (geddit cuz hes goffix cept now he isn't wich maks him a POSER) Then Jin initiated Kuwbara into their group and then they wrote poetry together. n stuff

Supper sexi transishun

Yusuke and Kurama sat in class, looking between the door and the clock. Yusuke jumped up in his seat when the door opened and was disappointed when it was just Hiei.

"Oh look who finally decides to show up! Just after we needed you the most!" Yusuke threw a spitball at him.

"Yusuke, I think Kuwabara's just gonna skip out until we forgive him so…" Kurama said.

"Bastard better show up. I spent all night baking this stupid cake for him. You know how hard it is to make cakes? This is my third try."

"Really, Yusuke? Really?"

"You don't wanna see him," Hiei said. "And the only reason I was gone was because I kept getting trapped in closets. Trust me on this one."

"The closet or Kuwabara?"

"Yusuke… Really?"

In walked a tall man with hair dyed black with green spikes in it. And then he had this leather jacket with a bunch of zippers on it. Then under that he had an MCR Tshirt (MCR fukin rox n if u don't like dem den ur a prep n perps suk) and then he had tight black jeans. He was also wearing goffic boots n fishnets. After a moment, Yusuke and Kurama realized that it was… Kuwabara!

"O mi Satan loook ho it is its mi prep xfrends. fangs 4 nothin u assholes" And then he sat down gofficly.

"Oh my god… I need to throw up. Someone… Someone call the grammar nazi…" Kurama ran out to the bathroom.

"Kuwbara… You should just take this cake," Yusuke handed it to him.

"Okay!" Kuwabara took it with a smile.

"So you're done being emo, right?"

"wtf? no I just wantd sum cak XP"

"How… How can you say that?"

"Bc ur a prep bich"

"No, I was talking about saying letterface."

"O its esy but im not talking 2 u bc ur a prep" He walked out of class w/ the cake in his hands n he eated it bc hes awsum n goffix

Hiei gave Yusuke some words of comfort: "I give him a week."

A week had passed. Then Kuwabara ran two Yusuke and Kurama during lunch. "I'm tired of being emo or goth or whatever they are! Their speech damages my intelligence."

Hiei stared at him. "You mean with what little you have?"

"Hey, shut up, you! Go make out with Mukuro behind a dumpster like you told the emos you do!"

"Dammit, let that die already!"

Yusuke glanced at Kurama. "You think we should just pretend this never happened?"

He shrugged. "It's too lonely without him. Besides, if he says one more thing in My Immortal speech, I think my head will explode…"

**end of story**

**Yeah… This wasn't as good as I thought it would be… But I did base the emos/Goths/whatever on My Immortal and TWILA DA GURL WHO WAS IN LUV W A VAMPIR. So… Yeah…**


	23. Our Hot Student Council President

Scenes from a Theoretical Hat  
Notes: I remember someone on DeviantART said something about creating an AMV where Shigure and all of them had this crush on Mukuro. I dunno who it was or where I saw it but I did. (spends too much time there now) Though... I think Mukuro's kind of hot. Whatever. Though I always thought Kirin had this man crush on her. You know, if she were a man.  
I should stop these stupid high school stories.

Story 16: Our Hot Student Council President

"Dude, Hiei, you should come with us and play some paintball! We don't have paint so we're just gonna shoot ping pong balls at each other but still! You should come!" Yusuke slapped him on the back. And that still is not homoerotic, you sick yaoi pervo.

Hiei groaned. "I can't and you know I can't."

"Student council work _again_? When are you gonna tell her that you have a life away from her? Oh wait, you guys are together so I guess that's just fine. But seriously, why the hell did she just pick you out of everyone else in the damn school… And why didn't she pick a senior?"

"Wait, what do you even do? I mean, I see you with the president and then I never know the point to it," Kuwabara asked.

"Secretary and Treasurer," Hiei replied.

"Not the VP?"

"Gladly. And I think it had something to do with having straight A's or something. I don't know."

"What? You do not have straight A's!" Yusuke replied.

"You'd be surprised…" Kurama shrugged. "But there's something weird about this. How can you be both secretary and treasurer if there's those two other guys there?"

"I only hate Student Council work because they're there. You don't know how insane these guys are. I should go…"

"Are they really that bad? I just pass them in the hall and never think anything of it. They seem just fine with me."

"Come with me. I'll show you what I mean."

And so they did. As soon as they walked in, they saw two of the biggest guys in the school… Well, next to Toguro and Hiei. Kirin and Shigure both glanced at the four who walked in, shrugged and went about their business. Kuwabara leaned over to Yusuke, "I think he was lying. These guys are pretty normal."

"Dude, maybe that's what they want you to think…" Yusuke gave them a second look and he noticed that the two were glaring knives in their general direction.

"Obviously they don't want some random sophomores standing around in the room and that we're whispering probably makes us even more annoying…" Kurama said.

"Let's text it out then…"

"I think that's even more annoying actually."

"Just pull out your phone."

"Hey, Hiei, where's the President?" Shigure asked.

"I dunno. I haven't seen her all day. She's probably on her way…" Hiei shrugged and started to pull up a seat. Just when he was about to sit down, they kicked it away so he fell on the ground. Yusuke tried his hardest not to start cracking up.

Kuwabara sent the other two a message. "wtf dats dirty.! u c dat?"

Kurama replied, "Practical joke, maybe?"

Yusuke- "lmao! tell me u didn't think that was funy! XDXDXDXDXDDXDdDx"

Kurama- "But that floor hurts… a lot. You ever fall on this floor?"

At that moment, Mukuro walked in. "sorry I'm late. Had to talk to a teacher about some test I had to make up…" She noticed the other three in the back, who hid their phones behind their back. "You guys can stay if you want. There's nothing confidential going on here. I doubt you're even listening. You look like you're waiting on Hiei…."

"Oh you're so generous! You're just so kind to all parts of the student body, Miss President!" Shigure practically screamed his lungs out.. Insert shojo manga flower background. (Yusuke- "wtfingf FlOwErS?)

Kirin, not wanting to be outdone, said, "Here, you can have my chair!"

"You can have this desk!"

"No, you can sit on this table! In fact, you can have some of my lunch that I didn't finish."

"…Hiei, aren't you going to offer us your seat? That's what a gentleman would do," Kurama said.

"Hell no. Your lazy ass can stand up. My ass still hurts from that fall," Hiei growled. Mukuro chuckled at that. The other two members quickly threw him murderous looks. If looks could kill, Hiei would be a mound of flesh on the ground.

"Okay, well, I have some of the ground plans for the next festival, I'm gonna need you guys to come closure so you can come see it…" Mukuro said. Kirin and Shigure rushed over to the two seats on either side of her. Hiei however didn't move. "What, you're not coming over, Hiei?"

"…I kind of forgot your notes on that whole thing…" He pretended to twiddle his thumbs when he was really sending the other three a message, "C whatd I tell U?"

To which Yusuke replied, "lamo u txt leik dat lmfao!"

Kurama- "They're enthusiastic…?"

Kuwabara- "Kurama u kinda suk txtin n des guyz r weirdos srsly"

"Hiei, I remember everything we planned for the festival. Don't worry about it. Come on. Pull up a desk. Besides that we're just going over the floor plan so it's not the end of the world," Mukuro said, rolling her eyes at him. Hiei reluctantly dragged a chair over. Mukuro rolled out the paper for them to analyze. Then Kuwabara came to a horrible realization.

"uh guyz is it me or r thex chekin owt her bobs"

Kurama- "Okay can we just type everything out now? This is starting to drive me up the wdll."

Yusuke- "lol Kurama speld wall rong! XD n y r u lookin u gotta b lookin em if ur noticin"

Kuwabara- "no I saw der heds r turnd 2 her boobs n its werd! X("

Yusuke- "OMFG dey r!"

Kurama- "I'm really thinking of walking out of this story altogether."

Yusuke and Kuwabara- "UR BREAKIN DA 4TH WALL! ):C"

Hiei- "wtf they keep stepping on my feet some1 have an emergency so I can leave!"

Yusuke and Kuwabara- "F no ur dealin w it urself"

"FML! N FYL 2!"

Kuwabara- "wtf dos dat meen?"

Kurama. "Fuck my life and Fuck your life. I used urband dictionary."

Hiei- "Kurama. U fail life."

There was an awkward moment of silence after Mukuro asked if there were any questions. Kirin and Shigure were too busy staring at her to pretend that they even were paying much attention to what she said. Yusuke raised his hand.

"Yusuke, you don't need to raise your hand. You can just speak up," Mukuro said and paused for the two's fawning over her. "What is it?"

"Uh… Which one of you's the VP?" Yusuke asked.

Immediately Kirin spoke up, "I am!"

Shigure wasn't gonna let him win the war. "No, I am!"

"I contribute more to this council!"

"I get better grades!"

"He's lying! I do!"

"Well, I'm more well liked!"

"Well, I have more classes with the President so we have more opportunities to talk!"

"Well, I joined first!"

"No I did!"

Mukuro sighed. "We don't exactly have one established. At this point those two share the position. Hiei ended up having to take over as secretary _and_ treasurer."

"Why'd you pick Hiei out anyway? I mean, we're all sophomores so… It doesn't make sense. Just saying, that's a little weird," Yusuke asked.

"…I dunno. He gets good grades. And I've known him since last year so… and apparently Shigure's known him since he was in junior high so he had some good things to say."

Kuwbara's interest was piqued. "In what way?"

"He was on some club and it was interesting."

"Wait, you join clubs?" Kuwbara wanted to jump on the more important question. Did I say important? Er…

Kirin was starting to get annoyed. Actually, Kurama was starting to imagine a little kid saying, "Mommy? Mommy, look at meeee! Mommy?" "And you just approached him during this club meeting?"

"He was an overachiever. So… Yeah…" Mukuro said.

Hiei was starting to feel the hate. "I had too much time on my hands so I had no other choice. That's all there is to it. It was by dumb luck that we ran into each other."

"What club was this again?" Kurama asked.

"Meeting's adjourned!" Mukuro stood up. "Hey, Hiei. I'm gonna need your help with something so…" Hiei walked off with her.

"…But… He didn't answer my question…" Kurama shed two emo tears. "Now then. The next question… Are you guys really here for the student council itself… Just be honest. We won't tell anyone."

The two glanced at each other. They shrugged and finally answered at the same time, "Nope."

"And let me guess… You're here for Mukuro, right?" They both nodded a little to enthusiastically.

"What the heck do you see in her?" Kuwabara asked. "I don't really see much…"

Kirin gasped like he just spoke blasphemy. "But… She's hot! Hav you looked at her? she's just perfect!"

Shigure added. "And she has the perfectest figure ever! Have you seen that! And her boobs they're just…"

"Augh… Make it stop!" Yusuke shoved his fingers in his ears.

"Yeah… That last part… Unnecessary…" Kurama shivered.

"…Though now that I think about it… She does have a nice rack."

"Yusuke!"

"What, Hiei's not in here and we're talking about how hot Mukuro is. And come on, you gotta admit, she is pretty hot. I'd hit that. But I got Keiko so it's all okay. You guys don't have to worry…"

The two exchanged grim looks. Shigure finally said, "But there's a problem… As long as _he's _here, we'll never be able to have her. So we're going to remove him altogether!"

"…You can't just write a love letter?" Yusuke stared at them. They didn't notice apparently. "I dunno if we should call the principal or a mental hospital on these guys."

"You call the principal, I'll call the mental hospital…" Kurama said as he led the three out of the room.

"Okay, Shigure. Let's commence Operation Clockwork Orange," Kirin said as he pulled out some papers from his pocket.

"I thought we agreed on Operation Supercool," Shigure said.

"It's because you come up with names like that that people are more inclined to think I'm smarter than you. The operation name doesn't matter. Here's plan one. this one should get him out of the way easy…"

Shigure looked at the paper. "Perfect. I know this guy. This'll get him to walk right into our trap…"

"Let's shake on it. Once he's out of the picture, we both have her between ourselves…" As they shook hands, they both thought _And then I'll get rid of this guy and then she'll be ALL MINE._

Plan 1

Hiei opened his locker and found a note. Curious, he opened it. "Hiei- We have your sister. If you ever want to see her again, come into the basement under the theater and then we'll come to an agreement on an equal exchange. Signed, ANONYMOUS MOUSE. PS No furries you assbag."

"Oh my fuck! They kidnapped Yukina! What the hell am I going to do?" He curled into a fetal position and started rocking back and forth.

"Hiei? Are you okay?" Hiei looked up and saw it was Yukina.

"Thank god! Never leave me again!" He glomped her and started crying.

"…Aw… My poor brother… Did the yaoi fangirls try to kidnap you again?" She ruffled his hair.

"What?"

Shigure and Kirin kicked a puppy.

Plan 2

Hiei came across a trail of Reese's Pieces. _Goddamn litterbugs._ He followed the trail to find the perpetrator only to walk into Kirin.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hiei asked.

"…Eating it," Kirin replied simply.

"You know what's been on this floor?"

"No. And I don't care."

Hiei sighed and walked away. Shigure walked up to Kirin, took some gloves out of his pockets, and slapped him in the face with them Loony Tunes style.

"But… I was hungry."

Plan 12

Hiei walked by a room and heard Evanescence playing. He stopped and stared at the doorway, then he slammed the door. "Damn emos are tying to get me again."

As he walked away burning with rage, Shigure mumbled, "Thought that would get him for sure."

"I think I can hurt you this time," Kirin growled.

Plan 52

"Uh… Do we even have this many plans?" Shigure tried to read the paper over Kirin's shoulder.

"No." He crumbled the paper up. "Dammit. This guy's hard to catch. What the hell will it take to…?"

Shigure stopped him. "Wait, I just had a thought. You ever notice that guy that hangs around every time we try to bag Hiei?"

Kirin thought about it. "Hey… You're right. That guy with the big nose… You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"…World domination?"

"Dammit, not now! Get the nose guy and then…" He thought about it. "Shigure…"

"What is it, Ichiban?"

"Don't call me that. You're poison. Let's just go."

They cornered the "nose guy" who turned out to be a freshman. Kirin was the first to ask a question: "Okay, what's your name?"

"Uh…" Something exploded in the chemistry lab followed by the sound of a train going by. "But most people remember me as Offensive Japanese Character Number Four thousand four hundred and fifty two, AKA Snout, AKA the Giant Nose Demon."

Kirin and Shigure exchanged looks and agreed upon Snout. Shigure asked, "So what do you have against Hiei? We saw you every time we… Er… We keep seeing you around Hiei."

Snout looked nervous. Or they think he did because they can't see his face. "I… I love him! I love him so much and… Baw… He doesn't even know that I exist!"

Shigure puked a little in the back of his throat. "I... I see. What if we could get Hiei to you and then you could… You could do stuff together."

"You can do that? But… Isn't he dating that one… person…?" Sad face.

"No, it's okay. They really hate each other and we're just doing it with for his own interests in mind."

"You guys sound like you're lying. He'd never like me anyway."

"No, we can do this! We'll put cat ears and you'll get to walk him and then you'll… Uh… And he'll meow like a cat!"

Kirin stared at Shigure. "…Remind me why I'm friends with you again."

"Shut up, you know you think that's hot!" Shigure kicked him.

"I'm not even gonna answer that." He turned back to Snout. "We'll work it all out. Just give him this note, we'll meet him somewhere, tell him everything and then he'll be all yours. Just give us tomorrow."

NOW Plan 52

So Hiei walked into an empty classroom after-school, the note in hand. He looked at it again and shook his head. _What in the hell made me listen to this thing anyway? This isn't monjyayaki club. In fact, does it even exist?_

The door slammed behind him. Shigure laughed as Kirin cracked his knuckles. "We knew you'd come."

"…This isn't a club is it?" Hiei groaned. "…Goddammit. What do you guys want?"

Kirin shoved him into a seat. "Have a seat." Shigure ran over and tied Hiei to the chair. "Yeah… This is nice. This is really…"

"What the hell is this? I didn't know you guys were into this kind of thing! In fact, I didn't even know you played this team."

"Hey, shut up! We're gonna take care of you like we took care of Yomi and Raizen! Then you will no longer stand between us and Mukuro! Yeah, we know what's going on between you two! I've seen you!"

"When…? And nothing's going on between us…"

"Shigure, bring out _The OC_! What's so funny, you stupid sophomore."

"You can do better than that. At least I can laugh at that."

"_Twilight_! No… The evil of all evils… '_Barbie Girl_!'"

"God no!"

"Yes! Now tell me the truth! Are you or are you not dating?"

"Why do you care? Can't you do it the normal way and just give her letters or something? Why do you have to bring me into this? Just because she has me do stuff doesn't mean we're dating! Maybe she just has a thing for me and I don't like it or something. Or maybe because I'm both secretary and treasurer that I have to do a bunch of work while you two lazy-asses are busy just getting hot over her! Leave me alone!"

"You got the video loaded? Good. Play it." Hiei started cringing. "Now tell me. Are you or are you not…?'

"Fine, yes! Yes! Just make it stop! We've done all kinds of things to each other just make it stop!"

"You got the poisoned lemonade?"

"What the hell, Kirin? I thought we were just brainwashing him!" Shigure growled.

"So you didn't? And you mean to tell me you don't want this douche dead?"

"The hell? I said I didn't like him, not that I wanted to kill him! You're a fricking psycho."

"Okay, then I'll do it!"

"What the hell are you doing to my honey?" Snout broke down the door. "I'm going to…"

"What in the hell are you guys doing?" Everyone turned around to see Mukuro standing in the doorway, arms crossed and tapping a toe. "Someone untie Hiei. Someone else turn that shit off."

Once untied, Hiei ran to Mukuro and glomped her, crying. "Never leave me again!"

"…Is this some sort of yaoi gathering…?"

"They were going to kill the love of my life! I saw them! They had ropes and they were gonna poision the lemonade and then… and then…" Snout said.

"…I'm really getting tired of this shit. I'm leaving. Hiei… Your tears are staining my shirt. It's disgusting…" She turned around. "Come on, random student. …You can join student council too."

And there was much happiness for Snout.

And the other two…?

"She hates us."

"Totally."

"It's all your fault!"

"Mine? You wanted to kill him! That's all your doing!"

"You're a…!"

**end of story**

**Yeah… I know this was stupid. I thought it would be sillier than this and I actually had the idea just after the last story. So… Yeah. I text like Hiei, if you're wondering. I bet you aren't.  
**


	24. Kurama's Girlfriend

**Scenes from a Hat**

Notes: Russian music is awesome. Okay, so here's another story because I can… I just realized that way back… In the Prom story, I explicitly state that Hiei and Mukuro are going out. This contradicts the previous story… Actually no it doesn't because I was ambiguous about it. I meant to make it for them to actually be…. Uh… No one really cared about that stupid one anyway. Let's just read this one.

Story 17 I think: Kurama's Girlfriend

"Hiei, I'm bored…" Yusuke poked Hiei. When Hiei didn't respond, Yusuke decided it was time to go at an all out assault and keep bothering him until he cracked. And it took about thirty seconds for Hiei to turn around and jam a ruler into Yusuke's forehead. "Oh crap! Do I take it out or do I leave it in!"

Kuwabara decided to ignore Yusuke's predicament. "Dude, where's Kurama. He's never late and he never misses school. I mean that day he had the flu he still showed up."

"He's here," Hiei said, brusquely.

Kuwabara leaned over his shoulder to see what Hiei was doing. Hiei looked up at him and asked, "Do you mind?"

"Dude… Are you texting? I've never seen you text."

"Does it matter? I thought you were asking about Kurama."

"Is that who you're texting?"

"No."

Yusuke decided he could live with a ruler in his forehead. "He's probably texting Mukuro and they're probably using the templates that say 'I love you more.' We all know that they're hotter for each other than they make it seem."

Hiei flipped Yusuke off. "I will drive that thing deeper into you."

"Yeah, I'm sure you told her that too. And since you're not even denying it…"

"Oh screw you both! This is why Kurama would rather be with his girlfriend than be with you guys. Maybe I should see if the student council needs stuff done." Just when Hiei stood up, Kuwabara pressed his shoulders down, forcing him to sit back down.

"Hold the phone! Kurama has a _girlfriend_?"

"That surprises you? I know he told me not to tell but frankly I don't give a shit. He should know better than to have me handle other people's secrets."

Mukuro walked in the room. The two immediately went for the kill.

"Does Kurama have a girlfriend?" Yusuke growled.

Mukuro looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Take that damn ruler out. Don't you know how rude that is? To talk with a ruler in your head… What have we come to? And are you trying to make sure everyone knows that he does?"

"Holy crap! He does!"

"I thought everyone knew."

"He's not like you and Hiei."

"Yeah, he's nothing like a yaoi couple!" Kuwabara added, gathering stares. "Don't act like you guys don't know what I'm talking about."

"Sure, everything he knows to do to a woman, I taught him," Mukuro said sarcastically. "By the way, I'm going to need you for something."

Hiei didn't want to go with either one of them. And they both knew it. He decided he would much rather go with Mukuro and do god knows what than to sit there and talk about Kurama's girlfriend.

Kurama walked in at that moment, paused in the doorway, walked out and walked in. Then he noticed that Yusuke and Kuwabara were staring at him like a koala that was awake in the zoo. He immediately knew what happened.

"Hiei, you just told them what I told you not to tell them, didn't you?" Kurama asked, just to confirm what he already knew.

"I told you not to trust me with your secrets. I hate having to take care of other people's secrets, it's bull," Hiei said.

"Well, I should just tell them about that time I walked in on you and Mukuro in that empty classroom?"

"You did _that _in school? The hell?" Yusuke was so shocked the ruler fell out of his forehead.

"…Making out, yes. And it was bizarre there was… And his hands were on her… and her hands were on his… and…"

"Oh screw you, Kurama, at least I can hide shit like that. You're over here groping her at every turn. Just when I think it's safe to get something from my locker, Bam, there you and her are eating each other's faces. The hell?" Hiei growled.

Mukuro sighed. "Look, just call me when this is over. I don't wanna get dragged into this. Minamino, if this keeps up I'm not going to help Ki- your girlfriend when she has her event."

"Ki? Ki… Kuwabara, do you know anyone with a Ki in their name?" Yusuke asked.

"Ki… Ki… Kiki, Kiko, Kiku, Kido…" Kuwabara paused. "Wait… Uh… Last names… Ki… Ta… Ji… ma… Kitajima, that sounds familiar."

"It's Kitajima-" Kurama put his hand over Hiei's mouth.

"I swear to god, if you say her name, I will tell them more of what I saw that day…" Kurama hissed.

Hiei slapped Kurama's hand off. "Get your hands off my face, you butt-fuck. They smell like beef and it's gross. I'm leaving. I don't know how she can stand you."

"Fine. Go, Hiei. But don't say fuck again!"

As he slammed the door, Hiei let out a loud, "Fuck!" Apparently no one else cared about the foul language.

"Dude, why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?" Kuwabara asked. "I mean, we're BFFs… Best friends forever! Don't we all share out secrets with each other?" He whispered, "Like that time Yusuke ended up in the yaoi club…"

"Look, let's not talk about it," Kurama said.

And class started after a couple of minutes. Yusuke and Kuwabara started to pass notes.

Yusuke- Dude so whatre we gonna do now

Kuwabara- I no our friendships falin apart! All cuz of this dumb kitajima girl I cant remember

Whatevs. I wanna see what this girl looks like. I mean you never see him with anyone and he's got this huge groop of girls and he never goes out with any of em so this girls gotta be hot

Sure But can we try and fix things between these guys Besides I kinda have the image of him and the prez making out and it's freaking me out I might not sleep

Man you're dum

Mr. Takenaka stopped next to them and took the note. "Passing notes in my class will you? Let's see what you have written here…. 'Arbington Boys School sucks?'" He put the note down. "You boys… You boys are saints…"

And he broke down into tears.

-.-.-

Yusuke and Kuwabara ran up to Hiei just when he was going to leave the room for lunch. Hiei looked up at them, cocked a brow.

"Let me guess… You want me to show you Kurama's girlfriend?" he asked as he rolled his eyes.

As Yusuke answered yes, Kuwabara replied, "Dude, come on. You can Kurama's relationship is more important to us than some girl. In fact it's dumb that you're just breaking apart just cause of her!"

"You guys are so full of shit. You know something, since I'm not obligated anymore, her name's…" He noticed Kurama was standing nearby. "_Kitajima Maya._" Kurama groaned and slammed the door behind him. "He just doesn't want to tell because he's a dick. People think she's weird but she has a bunch of guys that like her for some reason."

"You really don't like her, do you?"

"She won't leave me or Yukina alone."

"Why?" Hiei pointed at his eyes. "…Dude, your eyes are crimson (blood red) in this thing?"

"Do what you want with that information. I'm not even gonna get involved anymore. I don't even want to see him until he's done douching around. I'm just gonna follow my sister to her club."

"That's your sister?"

"You've seen my cousin right? No? Good, she's a Mary Sue bitch." He walked out. He also didn't mention that Yukina was part of some kind of PETA club.

"Dude, Urameshi, I got an idea," Kuwabara nudged Yusuke.

"Not one of these again…" Yusuke sighed.

"What? Shut up. Okay, so what we do is we find Kitajima and then we try and get her to do something about Kurama and then… Uh… Hiei'll have to be friends with him again."

"Uh… He deleted Kurama from his facebook. I think it's pretty bad at this point."

"Well, none of you guys ever added me on yours so maybe it isn't!"

Mukuro walked in, looked around, then walked up to the two. "Have you guys seen…?"

"He went to Yukina's club. You know where Kitajima's at?" Kuwabara asked.

"Let me guess, Kuwabara. Hiei told you everything you need to know about her and you're now planning on going to find her in hopes that it would improve his friendship with Kurama only for it to later crash and burn?"

"You ruin everything you know that, Class Pres?"

"Well, you have to admit, they're both being idiots about it. I can see it bothering Hiei that Kurama's not even making time for the rest of us but he's really not helping… You know, if this wasn't the way he always was. And you don't want to find her right now. If you want to catch her alone, Kurama's got lab after school so shell be hanging out in the halls waiting for him to come out."

"How do you know this?" Yusuke asked.

"I really wish I didn't. I was supposed to meet her about her event but if you think talking to her is going to help, then I'll have something slow me down on the way. But after this, you're on your own."

"Man… You're really one of us."

"Well, Hiei'll keep bitching about it so nothing'll get done. And you guys will never consider me one of you. No matter what." She walked out.

"You think she meant that last part?"

Kuwabara looked at Yusuke. "Nah." (Yes.)

-.-.-

Yusuke and Kuwabara walked to the labs after school was out. They walked around outside, pretending they were lost for a few moments, then walked in. Outside of the third door on the left was a girl with short hair. She waved at someone through the window on the door.

"Hey, are you Maya?" Yusuke asked.

She turned to him and nodded.

"Maya Kitajima."

"Yeah. Why do you want to know?"

"How do I say this…?" Yusuke turned to Kuwabara for some support and he found none. "Okay… Uh… You're waiting for the President to show up, right? Just letting yiou know, she's gonna be kind of late. She has something to do and she wanted you to know that."

"Oh. Thanks for letting me know. I really would have thought she would have sent that Hiei guy to tell me though. She usually does. He's awesome. Oh, I guess I shouldn't say that about him cause they're going out… Wait, are you Minamino's friends?"

"Yeah… You caught us… Look, let's just jump past all this boring relationship stuff and get to the part when we just agree that it'll get fixed…"

"I don't know what you're talking about… Well, about us… Um, I was starting to do this event for my club and Minamino's in and he offered to get his stepdad's company to help sponsor this event (_Oh great, more gushy relationship stuff… And what the hell kind of event is this anyway?_ Yusuke thought.) and you know, it just kind of happened and he started dating. And that's what's been going on. The president ought to be getting here soon. It's been ten minutes…"

"Hey, look… Just... Can you at least hide when you're with him cause it's pissing Hiei off for some reason…"

"But it is empty when we go where we do. He just walks in at the wrong time."

"This is pissing me off. You know, I don't know why he never told us…" Kurama walked out at that moment.

"Hiei told you that…" Kurama was interrupted.

"Yes, now shut up! Why are you even hiding this girl anyway? She's cool with me."

"Don't you say…!"

"Don't say that! He gets really mad when people say things like that…" Maya mumbled.

Yusuke punched a hole in the wall. "Oh fuck this! Go frickin figure it turns out Kurama's a jealous boyfriend and Hiei's just a dipshit who doesn't know when to come at the right time…" Hiei walked out of the room behind them. "And there's his dumb ass and I bet it'll turn out that you were in there with Mukuro the whole time!"

Mukuro walked in the building. "Yusuke, why are you screaming? I can hear you from outside. I had something I had to make up…"

"Oh screw you all and this stupid high school bull! I'm out!"

There was a long tense silence. Kuwabara asked, "So... Are you guys gonna be friends now?"

Only because the girls were standing right there, they both answered, "Yes."

Notes: I got tired of this one halfway through… And I thought I was done with these. Okay, it was good when I started and then it started talking about feelings. (So Yusuke was your mouthpiece? Not really.)


	25. Hiei's Mom Season Finale

**Scenes from whatever it is in Mukuro's Closet (Mukuro: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLOSET!)**

**Notes: …If you read Forever Yesterday, that would make some sense to you. Most of us don't. Okay, this is going to be the last high school story you'll read. The next two should be the last ones in this. I really need to end this because now I have maybe four other things I'm doing and one other is close to the point where not much else could be added. So it's not because I hate this one, it's just out of convinience.**

**Story twenty something… or something: Season Finale- Hiei's Mom**

"So… You guys are talking now?" Yusuke asked Kurama and Hiei, who looked at each other and shrugged. "Well, you better because we all gotta do our chem project soon. We gotta week, remember? Who's house are we going to this time?" Silence. "Not mine, guys. It's Friday and you don't want to see what my mom does on a Friday night."

"I think we should go to Hiei's house cause we never see it," Kuwabara said, poking Hiei with his plastic fork. "So, fair's fair."

"Fine. I have to give her a call then…" Hiei walked out.

"I swear this guy is the quietest out of all of us but he's always on his phone, what's the deal with that?" No, seriously. Check.

"Does anyone else have his number?" Kurama asked. The other two shook their heads. "You know, I might as well not have it. He never calls me back or texts me back. I think he has both of yours though…"

Hiei walked back in. "My mom says it's okay with her. She actually wanted to know who you were for a while."

"Geez, man, does he think you're hanging out with a bunch of hood rats or something?" Yusuke asked.

"What, you aren't?"

"What about you?"

"I'm not a hood. I just get into fights because I'm short. There's a difference."

"Does your mom know you do it?"

"No."

"Douche."

"What?" He shook his head. "Okay, so we're just going to walk over to Mukuro's place and pick her up first and then we'll get home."

"Why do we have to go there? Can't you take a break from each other for five seconds?" Kuwabara asked.

"Yukina'll be with us so we all know that you'll quit bitching after you realize that. And you can keep dreaming about you ever…"

"No, seriously, why do we have to pick her up?"

"You'll see."

"But… She could just follow us from school…" Silence.

"Hiei, I gotta ask. Why do you always get all the girls? It's like you get more ass than Kurama and I'd rather go out with him than you. I'm not gay or anything but I'd rather go out with him… And he's a nicer guy than you," Yusuke said. It was silent. "…Why do my questions never get answered?"

-.-.-

The five stood in front of Mukuro's house. Hiei turned around. "Okay, nobody touch anything. If you do, you should get yourself tested. And if a woman walks up to you, stand perfectly still and then she won't be able to see you anymore. Then she'll leave you alone. Any questions?"

"Yeah… What in the hell is going on in there? This place looks normal," Yusuke said.

"Yusuke, shut up." He took out a key and unlocked the door.

"Why do you have a key to her house?"

"No, really, Yusuke, shut up." They all walked in. Immediately a huge man came up to him and pointed a rifle in his face. Hiei looked at the barrel cross-eyed and then looked at the man. "Hey." The man continued to glare at him. "Look, just move out of the damn way, man. You and I both know you will never pull that trigger and even if you did you would have forgotten to take out the safety, only to realize that in the end you also forgot to load the gun and when you do you will fill it with blanks which would give me a concussion at best." Then Hiei and the man proceeded to have a stare down.

The man finally turned around and walked into another room, grumbled, "Get out of my house, boy."

"Who the hell was that?" Yusuke asked.

"Her dad. He does this every time I come here."

"This is really creeping me out. I mean, I've seen protective dads but that just took the cake…" Kuwabara said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"If that's what you want to call it. Her room's at the end of the hall here…" they all followed him down, really not sure whether they wanted to touch stuff to spite him anymore. He stopped in front of the door and knocked. "Unlock the door. It's me."

The door swung open and Mukuro shoved a box in his arms. "This could help you. I found it when I was in the basement last night."

"Uh… What were you doing in the basement?" Kuwabara asked.

"…You… I… Fell down the staircase there." And it was all kinds of awkward.

-.-.-

They all arrived at Hiei's house after a few moments of silence. Okay, make that several moments. Before Hiei could put the key in the lock, a woman opened the door and glomped him and Yukina and gave them both kisses on both cheeks. Actually when she hugged them, the others could hear bones cracking.

"Oh did my babies get home from school okay?" she asked. Of course, neither could breathe so she took it as a yes like usual. "And these are your…" Her eyes fell on Mukuro. "…your friends. How… lovely."

Hiei managed to get enough breath to say, "We have to get our project done…"

"Oh right. I'll just get dinner ready while you boys get that done…" She walked in.

"Why doesn't she like you?" Kurama asked.

"Because she's weird," Mukuro replied.

"She is not. She's just one of those people that thinks no one's good enough for their kid and I think she has something against me hanging around seniors…" Hiei replied. "Let's just go in."

As Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, Mukuro, and Hiei sat down at the table (actually Mukuro had to stand because there weren't enough chairs), Yukina asked, "Can I help?"

"Don't you have to do it too?" Hiei asked.

"Well, yeah, but we already got it done. Keiko was really wanting us to get it done as soon as possible. She hates procrastinators."

"No, you can't."

"Dude, can't Mukuro help us? She's a senior so this'll be a cake walk," Yusuke said, elbowing her.

"You have two of the smartest in the class for one. For the other that's not even fair to anyone else. I know stuff that you won't even cover this year so your teacher would know someone else helped you," Mukuro replied.

"So why'd you come?"

"…Really, Yusuke?"

Hiei's mom, who shall be called Hina from this point on because it's short and we all know who she is, walked in. "Hiei, my dear, so how was school today…?" Heart.

"…Okay…?" He was really trying hard not to look at the others.

"Did you make sure you avoided all disease carrying women today because if my baby ended up sick I don't know what I'd do… You need to stay safe, you know."

_Wait, what? _"Uh… Right…."

"And does my baby…"

"Mom, can we do our work?"

And then the look on her face was like someone opened the world in half and showed her the depths of hell, revealing Hipster Hitler. "M… Is… You hate me now!" And she ran out. Hiei sighed and indicated that he wouldn't take long and he went out to comfort her.

"…Did I mention she thinks I have STDs?" Mukuro asked.

"Dude, he is the last person I would expect to be a mama's boy…" Yusuke mumbled.

"What, it's not obvious? She doesn't let me go anywhere in here without Yukina following me and when I touch something she disinfects it. So I can't really go anywhere here unescorted. It's really creepy."

"Jesus, did she do this to his other girlfriends?"

"You know I'm his first one, right?"

"Bullshit! No you're not!"

"What, yeah, she is," Kurama said. When he gathered weird looks, okay, maybe just ones from Yusuke and Kuwabara, he shrugged. "I've known this guy since… forever. He knows things about me that you'll never know."

"Man, Urameshi, why can't we be bros for life like these guys?" Kuwabara whined. "I mean, I know stuff about you that these guys don't know… Why…?"

"Man, that's so gay!" Yusuke hissed.

"_You're_ gay!"

Hina walked back in… Actually she was kind of clinging on Hiei when he came back in. And then she finally let go and walked in the kitchen.

"Okay. Right. Glycolysis. Let's get this onto a poster. Yusuke, you'll start drawing the graph for…" Hiei was interrupted.

"The hell is that? Isn't that a food from England or something?" Yusuke asked.

"Yusuke, what do you think we were talking about in class for two weeks?" Kurama asked. "It's easy. So you have glucose slash C-six-H-twelve-O-six…"

"You already lost me…"

Hina walked in again. "Hiei, my baby, I just realized that I forgot something and I need to go to the store so here's…" She dropped a phonebook sized pile of papers. "Here's the phone number to the Pentagon, and here's the number to the FBI and a number to Pla-"

"Mom," Hiei growled. Actually he already knew where she was going with that last one.

"But…. But… I'm concerned about my son's health. What if he gets a disease from some filthy harlot and then what'll I do when my son's rose is deflowered and rotted? (_How does that work…? _was what everyone wanted to know.) Is it wrong for me to be concerned? Am… Am I a bad mother?" And she burst into tears.

"No… I…" He sighed. "I'll… never.. get infected with anything. I was just going to say that… You almost forgot that… I… Uh… I forgot."

"I love you so much…" And she glomped him again. And then she remembered something and shoved it into his hands. "Okay, I'll be back soon so if you need me for anything, come out and call me. Okay…? And also, you really do need to…"

"Mom, you really should get going before it gets dark."

"Okay." And she kissed Yukina and Hiei on the cheeks before she walked out.

Hiei shoved the object into Kurama's hands. "You take it."

Kurama looked down. "Oh god, what the hell, Hiei? This is a…!"

"Shut up. I don't want it. You take it…"

"Seriously, be honest with us this time, man. Are you and Mukuro… getting it on…?" Yusuke asked. "I mean she's over here telling you to get tested like you guys are…"

"No. She's been doing this since freshman year. I don't know why," Hiei sighed. "Then she got even worse when… She doesn't trust me talking to other girls anymore. She used to freak out if ven gave one directions. And obviously it didn't go over well when she had to find out that Mukuro's in the picture."

"Well, I don't think she wants you to be like…" Yukina let that hang there.

"Really? She's going to have to deal with it. This is happening."

"That's so mean. Well, in the summer it's going to change anyway. We got, what, two months before June."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Yusuke asked, voicing everyone's thoughts. He also pointed a marker at him to prove his point. Whatever point he had.

"So in June, I'm turning sixteen."

"Dude, you are not fifteen."

Kurama cut in, "Yes he is."

"I thought our birthday was in November…" Yukina whispered.

"Someone lied to you. You should know- never mind." Hiei rubbed a temple. "So I'll turn sixteen and then we're getting married and we'll be up and out of here. And by that I mean our homes. That's all."

"_What?_" Kuwabara stood up in his chair.

"Dude, Kurama, give him the condom back, he's gonna need it," Yusuke nudged him.

"_Yusuke_," Kurama hissed.

"Oh come on, don't act like you don't know they're gonna you know… do it. It's an obligation that they…"

"You're not comprehending the level of this situation! He's… Does your mom know?"

"I didn't know…" Yukina mumbled. "Since when were you…?"

"Look, you can't talk me out of it. It's done. Everything's planned out and in June it's gonna happen. You can't convince me otherwise. And Mukuro already agreed to it. End of discussion," Hiei replied. "So- glycolysis…"

"Dude, how long ago was this? I mean, if not even Yukina knows then it's pretty hidden, then," Kuwabara said. "I thought we had something special, man. Now you're just hiding stuff from us."

"Because you idiots would tell everyone but now we got no choice so…"

"Dude, I wouldn't! You know who'd tell everyone? Botan! That's why she's not homecoming queen!"

"She's not homecoming queen because Kurama made the best pineapple-onion cake, smart one. There was never any voting done."

"But why would you run off and get married like that and not tell me? You tell me everything," Yukina said.

"Because they're in lurv…?" Kurama replied, gathering stares. They all turned to Hiei who rolled his eyes. He jabbed a finger on the poster board indicating that they should get to work.

Yukina glanced at the window. "You know, I haven't heard the car turn on…"

"Ugh. Let me go check and make sure she actually put the key in the ignition instead of the passenger seat again…" Hiei walked out. The four turned to Mukuro, who already knew Yukina's tactic. Hiei has a very crafty sister, you know.

"So how long have you been planning this?" she asked.

"Been about six months," Mukuro replied, shrugging. "Well, look. so he came over to my house one day, I can't remember what for, and after a while he decided that we'd walk out for a while. And so we did and he proposed out of the blue. I'm sure what he was thinking was he saw how bad it was at home, he decided that he was going to find a way to get me out of there. Next year I'm still going to be at home. So…" she shrugged. Yusuke and Kuwabara exchanged questioning looks. "…He's a nicer guy than you think. And I'm not at all surprised at… Well, you get the picture."

"No way. That guy is… How…" Yusuke was one step away from banging his head on the wall.

"No, he is nice. He's done stuff for me like once he stayed up all night with me when we were eight and he helps me with my homework all the time… And he made sure the bullies left me alone…" Yukina replied, still struggling with her own belief. "I can understand why he's… marrying… But he didn't tell me. And I'm so hurt."

"I would have wanted to tell you but he said that no one should know until it's ready to come out. And I guess now's the time for it to come out."

"This is too weird. Man, the hell, man?" Yusuke kicked his chair.

Hiei walked in. "She evolved from the passenger seat to the steering wheel." he noticed everyone was staring at him. "The hell did I just walk in on?"

"Dude, why aren't you nice to us?"

"Because you guys are dicks. Dicks that _don't know when it's time to work._"

"Yeah, well, you're a dick, too. A dick _that doesn't tell people shit._"

"There's a reason… Just drop it, okay? You know now. There. Shut it."

"Yeah, well, she'll be sitting there and her water'll be breaking when we realize that she's knocked up. And tell me your mom won't really freak out when she finds out. She'll disown you. Or something."

"What's done is done. Shut up."

Kuwabara was getting tired of this teen drama stuff and decided that he would look at the notes for the project. Then he realized he didn't understand a single thing on yhe page. "Ugh… You guys are something else. And I thought we could be bros for life. And I was really starting to think that the prez could be one of us and then this happens."

"Why can't i?" Mukuro asked.

"Never mind. Man, is there anything else anyone has to add since we're all coming out of the closet?" Kuwabara asked. "…No, seriously. Cause, I want you guys to all know that I'm going to shoot someone in this room if we have another revelation."

Silence. "…So is your dad this weird…?" Yusuke asked.

"Our dad died in Vietnam, dumb ass," Hiei replied.

"The hell was he doing in Vietnam? What country are we in anyway?"

"It was a hotdog eating contest…" Yukina mumbled. "We were five. And he missed our soccer match. It was the last game of the season and he wasn't there. So now we can't watch World Cup Soccer without crying…" She started to tear up at the thought.

"This is dumb."

Hina walked back in. "I'm back! Did my babies miss me? Are they okay?" She pinched Yukina's cheek… And then everyone remembered the giant revelation while she was out of the room and it was pretty awkward. Especially when she stopped and sprayed the table with disinfectant after Mukuro took her hands off it.

And then the guys finally decided to do their homework. Mostly because Hina was standing in the room most of the time. And then they ate dinner… Which tasted vaguely like disinfectant. Since these guys are apparently druggies and drink the stuff all the time.

After dinner, Yukina got up to wash dishes and the others decided it was time to go home.

"Where are you going, Hiei-dear?" Hina asked when he was walking to the door.

"I'm going to walk them home," Hiei replied. Actually it was more like he was just walking Mukuro home, seeing how they pretty much have to go different directions.

"Okay. Well, take this…" She gave him a handful of sanitary napkins. "It'll keep the diseases away. And don't forget your rape siren."

"Right…"

And they walked out.

Kuwabara asked, "So what country _are_ we in?"

"It doesn't matter," Kurama replied. "We're all in Chernobyl anyway."

And so the Grecian children walked down the streets of Seoul, Boba in one hand, churros in another, singing a song of lamentations, awaiting the end times that arrive in the next day.

**Notes: The last line was supposed to make you say, "What do you mean it wasn't made on drugs?" (…Technically everything I've written was. If you take medications into account.) Guys actually have to be eighteen to marry. Women can be sixteen. But when you're marrying at sixteen you need parental consent. So… Yeah. This is the most work I've put into something. Two stories left and I'm calling it quits.**


	26. Harry Potter and the Fantastic Four

Scenes scenes scenes thoughts dreams melodies hopes and nothing

Notes: I always wanted to do a Harry Potter crossover parody… And I don't own Harry Potter. Because J K Rowling totally knows what Yu Yu Hakusho is and would want to make these two worlds touch, no matter how much sense it doesn't make.

Story… : Harry Potter and the Miraculous Entrance of the Fab Four… Or Fantastic Four

**The Mission:**

It was four in the morning and the four guys arrived in Spirit World. Immediately when they walked into Koenma's office thing, Koenma asked them, "So do any of the four of you know why I called you in today?"

"Why, did you forget?" Hiei asked. And then Koenma used his divine powers of the awesome to Spirit Bitchslap him. And if Kurama hadn't stepped in saying the default, "No," the two would have continued to go on that way.

"Well, I have recently gotten word that there's a crisis in England. This is in the Wizarding World. What you four are to do is to go in and protect Harry Potter, the boy who lived, from You-Know-Who."

"Just say Voldemort, shit." And he was Spirit Bitchslapped again. Yusuke was thinking of investing in this technique. "How do you expect us to…" Spirit Bitchslap again. "Quit that you…!"

"Do we even know English?" Kurama asked.

"And we're basically saving wizards from Wizard Hitler?" Yusuke asked. Needless to say, there were multiple bitchslaps in that room from that point on.

**Entering Hogwarts**

"So we just needed to take this placement exam? That's not so bad…" Yusuke said. "I just wish these stupid magic people would buy some pens. How the hell am I supposed to take a test with a feather?"

McGonagall shouted, "Silence!" And the test was done.

"Dude, that test was so hard…" Kuwabara whined. "I didn't know a single answer."

"You just write the stupidest thing you can think of and that's the answer," Hiei replied.

"So if I said the Hitler mobile was the answer to the end of Troll wars, then I would be okay?"

"Blast ended skrewts is ridiculous. What you just said was stupid."

"What's the difference?"

"So we get the results tomorrow when they have us do the sorting?" Kurama asked. They all looked at him like he was crazy. "Uh… They did say they were gonna sort us into the houses. I don't know how they do it."

"Crap. Which house is this Harry Potter guy in?" Yusuke asked.

"Gryfindor if I remember right…"

"Crap, if we don't end up in the same house, how're we supposed to protect Harry? Stupid Wizard Hitler, always making everything hard…"

The next day…

"Okay, well, I'm a fifth year," Kurama said. "Same year as Harry."

"Same here… Somehow…" Yusuke replied.

"I'm a _first year!_" Kuwabara said.

"…You guys all suck. I'm a seventh year," hiei said.

They all looked at him. "You douche."

At least they were all Gryfindors. (Though the Sorting Hat really thought Kurama should have been in Ravenclaw and Hiei in Slytherin, but he went against everything he thought and decided that the best friends should stick together. For once. Also, he couldn't stand the thought of putting another goth in Slytherin. No as long as Enoby was in there.)

**Defene Against the Dark Arts Class**

"So, you're Yusuke Urameshi… You're Kazuma Kuwabara… You're Shuichi Minamino… And you're Hiei Chekhov…" Hermione pointed at each one as she confirmed their name.

"Dude, you're Russian?" Yusuke asked, turning to Hiei.

"What, I thought it was obvious," Hiei replied, shrugging.

"Whatever. Yeah, so Kuwabara will forveer be Kuwabara and Shuichi is just Kurama."

Hermione didn't think that made any sense but okay.

Ron nudged her. "Hey, so you know who's the Defense against Dark Arts Teacher this year?" The four guys stared at him. "Well, see, people think the position's hexed because no one can stay for more than a year."

Of course if you read every book, you would know that. They all walked in, took their seats and waited. Then after a few moments, in walked… Yomi!

"Okay, children, I happen to be a secret wizard. So now let us begin our lesson…" Yomi paused when he heard Yusuke raise his hand. "What's the problem?"

"Dude, so you know how you're blind? If you're such a wizard, why can't you just magic the blind away?" Yusuke asked.

"You asshat!"

And everyone in the class gasped. Yomi wasn't going to get tenure.

…

The next day the students all took their seats. In walked… Or floated, rather… Raizen! Or Raizen's ghost! One of the two!

Raizen looked at the children, then shook his head. "I don't wanna teach you idiots. I'm going to do ghost things in Japan where I belong."

…

The next day the students took their seats. In walked… Mukuro! And she looked at them, nodded knowingly.

"Let me lay down some ground rules and we'll get started. Rule number one…" She took out a box of chocolates and offered them to the nearest takers, Crabbe and Goyle. And they both ate them with piglike grins on their faces. They decided that they liked this teacher and would gladly… Lick her eyeball or something.

Then Mukuro picked them both up and flung them out of the classroom, screaming, "No eating in this classroom!"

Ron stood up in his chair and rejoiced. Then he realized what he had done and sat down. The Slytherins all shook their fists and wands at him.

"What is wrong with you? You just flung out two students!" Malfoy growled. Mukuro turned to him and waited for him to challenge her. And he decided to go another route, "And what's wrong with your face?"

And she grabbed him by the shoulders, "Well, my good sir… I once poured acid over my face and it burned like hell. And you want to know why I did it?"

"…Not… Really…"

"Good because you don't want to know why I did it. Also- a hundred points from Slytherin. That's three rules you broke."

"What? You didn't…"

"And another seventy-seven because it's a cool number. Gryfindor can have seven points or something."

"That's unfair." Malfoy was going to start crying.

"Yeah and that didn't stop my father from torturing me so shut it."

Ron was really thinking he could lick her eyeball or something too. Harry wasn't sure to cheer her on or to start crying too. Hermione was busy trying to figure out what the three rules were.

And the four guys were just fine. They knew this was perfectly normal.

Snape had a similar conflict… Only because he liked Mukuro's style. You know, disregarding the fact that Umbridge should be in the picture right now.

**Harry's Issue**

"You know Yusuke, I've been having dreams lately. That I've been seeing Voldemort and… You know, I think we should go looking for him."

"Don't."

"What?"

"You heard me. Make my job easy."

"What?"

**Trelawney Makes an Unfortunate Discovery**

Professor Trelawney walked up to Yusuke, asked to look at his palm. When she looked at it, she looked up at Yusuke. "Your life line says that you should have been dead by now."

"Yeah, I know," Yusuke replied.

"What?"

"Well, I died in a car crash and some other guy killed me. So…"

"But… Oh… My…" She fainted.

"I came back…"

**Voldemort Appears**

Voldemort was an idiot and decided to show up at Hogwarts. He looked at Harry and Harry looked at him. They were going to duel, they had their wands out ready to fight. Then Yusuke came in and Spirit Gunned him. And Hiei, Kuwabara and Kurama used their specialties to take him out, just to be sure.

"What in Merlin's beard have you done?" Dumbledore screamed. He was having a headache.

"We have saved the Wizarding World!" Yusuke screamed.

"Get the fuck out of my school, you heathens!"

…

"And that's why we can't go to England, Keiko," Yusuke said. Keiko didn't think she wanted to believe any of that,

Notes: It was short but I didn't know what to write about… So… Yeah. I might have the gall to go back and edit it.


	27. Demon World Technology

**SCENES FROM A HAT MY GOD SO SHOCKING! AUGH!**

**Notes: Uh… Yeah… I'm running out if ideas… This one I thought of in the shower. I dunno why it came to mind but it did. It wasn't anything perverted, shut up.**

**Story I don't know, why don't you count for me, but it's the last one.: Demon World Technology (It's also story twenty-one.)**

_**But first… A public service announcement from the fanfiction fairy of chibi fanfiction:**_

Yusuke broke down the door to the room. "Dude, guys. I just got a message from one of the fanfiction fairies and they said we're running low on fans. I think what we need to do is bring in more fangirls." Kuwabara stared at him. Kurama cleared his throat, then went back to his subscription of _The New York Times_ until he realized he didn't know English. Hiei… Well, Hiei was being Hiei. Until he thought about how much he would rather be hanging out with Mukuro and sharing morbid jokes with each other.

Yusuek jumped on the coffee table. "Dammit, you guys! Kuwabara, you're alright, Kurama- put that damn magazine down and Hiei- quit thinking dirty thoughts about your girlfriend!"

"I don't even know what I'm reading…" Kurama grumbled, ignoring Kuwabara's cheers.

"And she's not my girlfriend," Hiei added.

"Uh-huh, sure. Whatever you say. But we gotta bring in more fangirls. So what I was thinking was that we create a machine that turns us into chibis! Bitches love chibis. So we goin' make a chibi for them bitches."

"Firstly that makes no sense, Yusuke," Kurama replied. "Secondly… Why can't you just say little kids?"

"Hey, it's Japanese and them bitches love them some Japanese words. Here's some more: neko akai kitsune inu kuro shirogane hai ohayu arigato baka yaro." They all stared at him. "Okay, let's all think about it…"

_Yusuke was flinging his snot at everyone while Kuwabara ran away from ghosts and Hiei who was trying to kill them all. Kurama was too busy trying to figure out how to kill Lois, I mean, Shiori to give a shit about everyone else._

Yusuke stared at Kurama and Hiei. "…Man, you guys are douches."

_**END OF PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Now for your feature presentation.**_

**Demon World Technology**

Yusuke decided he would visit Hiei that day… And mock him about his relationship with Mukuro, no matter what was going on there. He didn't know of they were seriously doing anything but it was fun to mess with them. So he walked in and made his usual, "So you guys getting married joke again?" At this point he didn't even respond anymore. Mukuro walked by, gave her usual acknowledgement of Yusuke's presence, also not wanting to give him the benefit of her reaction to his jokes.

Yuske too another approach. "So Mukuro, I heard you like mudkips."

"What?" Mukuro was genuinely confused.

"Well, there's this thing called the internet and it…"

"I know what the internet is, Yusuke. I use it all of the time so I can watch the Singing Grandaran guy." Yusuke gave her a blank look. "I thought everybody knew about that stupid video. Just like everyone knows what _The Grifter _is."

"What? They have that here?"

Hiei grabbed him by the arm and led him to the nearest computer and logged onto the internet. After thinking for a moment, he typed in the URL dtvonline(dot)com. He looked up at Mukuro. "The singing Grandaran guy then?" She shrugged and he typed it in. In a few seconds Yusuke pointed at the computer.

"Dude, this is just like the singing Russian guy! The hell?" Yusuke asked.

"The what?"

Yusuke took the keyboard and typed in youtube. Surprisingly it works considering that he was using a Demon World server. (Though Kurama could make calls from Demon World. But he might also have Verizon. Or AT and T.) They both looked confused.

Yusuke looked at them. "Dude, so does this mean you have TV too?"

"You're joking right? What do you think people were doing during the Tournaments?" Mukuro asked. "We may be from different worlds but we're not that different. I've seen things in your world that are inferior to our technology."

"Okay, if you're so smart, then show me a TV."

"I think Dabidu Reterumansu should be on." Hiei dragged Yusuke away and they found a TV. Wherever this stuff is, no one knows. The point is, he took Yusuke to a TV and they watched this talk show.

"Oh my god! This is just like David Letterman!" Yusuke started to flip through the channels. "Dude! This is cool. I gotta call Kuwabara." He pulled out his cellphone and made the call.

Hiei called Mukuro in. "He's getting excited over Flower Power. What the hell?" She shrugged. Actually Mukuro was finding this pretty entertaining.

"Do people even have cellphones in 1995?" Mukuro asked.

"Do they even have the internet?"

"…I love you so much."

"Hey!" He looked slightly offended.

"Not the right place or time?"

"…I guess…?"

Yusuke turned to them. "Dude, Kuwabara wants to know what kind of nukes you guys have. If you have stuff this cool you gotta have some kick ass nukes."

"In comparison to humans, I suppose that it would be better but considering that not all of us would be effected by the missile…" Mukuro replied, shrugging.

Yusuke put the phone down. "You have to show me all this awesome stuff I've been missing out on all this time."

She looked at him like he was crazy but the three decided to walk out anyway. (Apparently Hiei either had nothing else to do or he just didn't trust Yusuke to be alone with her. One of the two.) Just as they walked out, someone screamed, "I'm gonna jump!" And they did. Yusuke stared at them who just passed on like it was nothing.

"If he really wanted to die, he would have gotten into a suicide booth or done it himself," Mukuro said.

"Suicide booth like… _Futurama_?"

"If it involves people walking into a booth, punching in their method of suicide, and having the machine do it for you, then yes, it does. Though… It doesn't actually work. I tried one once."

"You actually tried to…? Hiei asked.

"Well, I heard they never worked and I tried it. I think it only works on people who aren't S class and under six feet."

"That makes… I don't even know."

"Don't act like you were never considered it anyway."

"If these things existed recently… why have I never heard of these things and why have I never seen one before?"

"They exist in the high tech areas. So guess who's really killing themselves?"

"That's really disturbing… I love you so much for that." Apparently they shared a cute little lovers moment. If this were a Hiei/Mukuro story, they probably would have started making out right there. They have hormone problems in those kinds of things, you know.

"This is getting weird…" Yusuke mumbled. "Don't start doing the deed right here…"

"I'm asexual. I don't do that," Hiei said.

"If you're so asexual, then why aren't you mitosising and why are you here with Mukuro?"

"…I'm asexual too…" Mukuro said.

"Yeah, then explain the fanfiction."

"Fanfiction thinks I 'm a baby-eating robot and that you're a perverted idiot and that Kurama might want to get counseling for his sex addiction."

"You guys need to stop breaking the fourth wall," Hiei said, rubbing a temple. "Are we going to find this suicide booth right now?"

"Doubt it."

"I was getting excited about…"

"Then go by yourself."

He sad faced and shut up.

"…I think I should come back later… I think I'll just see what Yomi has to offer…" And Yusuke ran away screaming.

Mukuro sighed. "…You know, they always run away after I get to the suicide booth."

"It's cold." Hiei said.

"It's always been cold."

"What?"

_**One final public service announcement from the fanfiction fairy of Pairings/Shipping on the mating season ideas…**_

Hiei sat in the corner and taped his hands together. Who cares how he did it. He taped his damn hands together and sat in the corner and angsted.

"What's wrong Hiei?" Kurama asked.

"It's mating season and I must stay here and keep myself with pure thoughts and not touch a single person!"

"What?"

"Every eleven years, I have this thing where I must mate with someone. I can't be seen like this. All Vulcans, I mean, all of my people are ashamed to be seen in this way. So you should just lock me in the closet for a week. …And make sure you keep tubes away from me."

"You're… Disgusting… And I don't believe this shit. Who told you to do this? Was it that bastard Zeru? Makintaro? Kuromomotaro?"

"No. No one even knows who those guys are anyway."

"But they're on the characters list for some reason. Was it a Mary Sue?"

"No, just fanfiction rules."

"…This is crap."

"Just lock me up before I'm forced to reveal that I have a wife on another planet and have to duel with you!"

"Okay, now you're just summing up _Amok Time._"

**Notes: I'm not trying. I just am not. I know it's short and I don't care. I just stopped enjoying writing this.**  
"**I can't do this. I'm not happy." I guess thanks for reading it. I took your time up so… Yeah. It's there. No more.**


End file.
